The A-List

New years reso's

2012-01-30T21:23:00.000-06:00

Ps. every year I am for working out. This year I decided to..........

wait for it.

wait for it.

Floss my teeth. Yah. You may do this. I wasn't a regular. Now I'm flossing like I drink wine. On regular occurrence and with vigilance.

2012 is off to a good start.

Minus the "mine" phase. How do I ignore this? What did you do?

Slightly obsessed. For Meg.

2012-01-24T20:29:00.000-06:00

I'm slightly obsessed with Ben cutting his hair. He claims he doesn't because he is counter acting the cost of getting my hair done. Whatevs.

Perhaps he is also describes him? "Unkempt, out of control and slightly retarded." Thanks Meg for that quote.

18 months, or "I can wine* and say mine and be sweet. all in 5 minutes."

2012-01-23T21:22:00.001-06:00

Sleeping. first day of 18 months.

You are simply scrumptious. Adorable. I missed it because I checked the monitor and you had "lambie's" surrounded around you and "bummy." Oh how I love how you save bummy. And lambie is more like "neenie." Which is the same as Maggie. You like to say "I driming" meaning that you want to "drive" one of our cars. You really love the 'ol broad (the volvo.) You wake up saying "mama." You had a manic day at Target yesterday which made me so incredibly thankful that dada was home. Are you going to eat what I cook you? sometimes. You would eat "dodurt" for any meal. Any time I call someone you think it's Glammy. You would brush your teeth (aka suck toothpatse off of the toothbrush) all hours of the day. You love your bath. You now refuse to sit in your wagon or stroller and we had the longest walk of all times yesterday. For 2 blocks. it took for-ever. It's adorable. You still love to slide. dodurt. Have I mentioned dodurt? I've rocked you to sleep multiple times lately because it's so sweet. You really love to cuddle then.

Drinking sparking water. Feeling the "bubbles" with your finger.

You've started watching and LIKING tv. Am I a bad mama for liking that? Today you snuggled while we watched 2 episodes of Olivia (which you still just sing "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh" over and over to say you want to watch it.) You also LOVE when they sing goodnight olivia and today gave me the remote to rewind and said "more. more."

Pretending to eat the couscous and butternut squash I made. It was delish.

proud.

THIS is a sweet face. Seriously. So sweet.

And, I'm not a clever tshirt lover. But with boys, they abound. This is a where's waldo that says, "Dude, I'm right here." I laughed outloud at target (mecca). This also made me know that I'm a lame ass boy-mom. Yah, I'm aware. No need to leave a comment.

The obsession with bubbles reins supreme.

I love him. A lot. He exhausts me. I couldn't change it. How the hell he got this old, I don't know? But it's stopping now.
**I. Meaning Mama can "wine" and G can "whine." Yes, I see the misspelling.

YAY, Dada's home (dada... not gizmo. Though he's home, too.)

2012-01-22T20:53:00.000-06:00

He's home. He's home. Sanity is somewhat restored. (really, how can I be sane again. Lets be honest.) G$ greeted dad with a beer. A Shiner so he would remember what being Texan means. Then he helped him in with his bags.

Things are good. And someone made me dinner tonight. Yesssssssssssssss.

Donut saturday.

2012-01-21T13:06:00.000-06:00

I think it's a new thing. G had his first donut today. That I gave him while his waffle was heating up for lunch. Oh yah. I did that.

We also went to story time at the library today. I put G in the car and turned on a dvd of elmo while I tried to find his shoes and get some snacks together. While the car was running. I was inside.

I couldn't find his shoes so I grabbed the too small pair of puma's and figured I'd just shove them on his feet before we got out of the car. Only to find that I had grabbed two mismatched pairs--one of which he wore approximately 14 months ago.

sigh. My brain is currently disabled.

You auto-complete me.

2012-01-20T21:25:00.000-06:00

Because I'm home alone and have reached the end of, and purchased, many items on the internet (seriosuly, Ben, come home... I'm a wasteland of internet shopping) I typed in "How to grow b..." (typing blog) and the google game came up with "How to grow black hair." Really google, really?

PS. The you auto complete me game is when you start typing in a sentence and see what it pops up to autocomplete your sentence.

The art of linguistics.

2012-01-20T19:10:00.000-06:00

Subtleties, really.

Give me drugs.

2012-01-20T19:05:00.000-06:00

An epidural. You have your whatever drug you want. I kind of want an epidural. I think it's my drug of choice (other than wine. And roman coke. Because y'all, alcohol is a DRUG...of choice. If I'm not getting an epidural.)

Ben has been in Detroit this week. It's apparently a crazy blizzard. He's stuck there. Efffffffffffffffffff. You know why this saddens me? Because my child acted like this today. Yah, screaming. Crying. Miiiiiiiiinnnneeeeeeeee. Because I wouldn't let him hold the effing bubbles. But the way he says bubbles sure is cute. I also wouldn't let him run in the street after I figured our neighbors were hating us as I pulled him down to the the mail in the wagon and he was SCREAMING "MAMAMAMAMA. Dowwwwwwnnnn." So I let him down. and talked to our neighb's with a baby. When G took off into the street. And had a major melt down when I told him he couldn't run in the street. I'm sure he'll have some sort of therapy about this. Then I saw that Gizmo had gotten out. Surely Maggie had run away. Which actually didn't happen. This is by no means the entire meltdown. Don't let him fool you with sweetness. It didn't continue.

But then there was this. That also happened today. He learned to play the harmonica! It's kind of one of those things that your kid learns and you are so excited for them because they are SO proud of themselves and then you also know that if you were trapped in a small space and it happened non stop you'd want to punch them in the neck? I think that's probably also how snapping will be. Note to self. Don't teach Griffin to snap. Warning. You may want to turn the volume down because my obnoxious mom voice is super loud.

He's so excited he couldn't not jump.

Then when I was putting him to bed ~~early.~~ I was rocking him and put my hand on the other side of his face. I went to move it and he put it back and said "more." I melted a little. And forgot how miserable he was being earlier. And I wanted to stay.

And I still would like for Ben to come home tomorrow.

abundant sunshine. It's what they call me.

2012-01-19T19:57:00.000-06:00

Well, dinner, breakfast, and lunch.. and probably a snack after my nachos. Ben is out of town so I've been eating a lot of cereal. Specifically, this one box. And I love it. And I'm still hungry. And I still haven't decided if white or red wine is the best accompaniment. G$ has lots of homemade meals. Y'all, he lives a pretty good life. Maybe a good life without new shoes, but a good life nonetheless.

We also had this as our weather today. Abundant Sunshine.

Warm. It's January 19. Dude. I'm supposed to get to wear jackets. I love jackets. And sweaters. And other cold weather accessories. And the sight of snow. I get basically none of these. So maybe they don't call me abundant sunshine. Maybe it's sunshine with a side of bitter and sassy? Other wise known as sarcasm.

I told Ben a story about griffin the other day and it involved the fact that our 18 month old doesn't yet get that. He said, "welllllllll I suppose he'll learn pretty quickly or not get you at all." Here's hopin'. Here's hopin. Other ways he can get me...
1. I like q tips with the plastic middle part. I find the cotton to not fall apart on the ends. That feeling/sound makes me ick out.
2. I'm not good at resolutions. 3 days ago I resolved to floss daily. I've already failed.
3. I like a cold beverage. Unless it's water--then plain. Or red wine... but I do prefer that chilled.
4. I desire curly hair.
5. I can't fold a fitted sheet. Sorry Martha.
6. I like to steam mop.
7. I dislike cleaning bathrooms.
8. My sister liked to sleep in her closet. This, in fact, has nothing to do with me, but randomly came to mind.
9. I don't deal well with girl dramas.
10. I think cereal is a perfectly fine meal. For me. Not for him. Double standards are a bitch.
11. No one calls me "abundant sunshine."

Mom fail.

2012-01-18T13:45:00.000-06:00

So g is growing. Obvs. And he needs new shoes. Why the hell are toddler shoes so expensive? Seriously? And the ones I like are well... not cheap. Anywho so I found ones I REALLY liked and they were on sale and the last pair was in Griffin's size! Ordered. Along with some boots (para mi.) I've been stalking their delivery. Today is the day that the post person loudly knocked on my door even though it says BABY SLEEPING and when people knock loudly it makes our dogs to apeshiz crazy. Oh, I believe I got side tracked.

Anyway, open the box all excitedly. Wow, that box for his shoes sure is big. That's weird. So I open them. Realize I'm dumb. And......... they fit me. Damn you children's shoe sizing--especially in european sizes.

One of these days I'm going to get this mom thing down. Maybe? Someday? Right? Until that day I'm going to have a mini glass of wine at 1:45 on a Wednesday.

Things that happened in my life today--get excited.

2012-01-17T20:12:00.001-06:00

I had some facial waxing done today (hello, dark haired ladies (and men)--you feel me?) and I was talking with Chen. Usually, I understand her just fine. today not so much. We were talking and then all of a sudden she was laughing at the difference between a cow boy and a cowboy... and how one is a boy that is in charge of the cows. I don't know how we got there because I had been politely laughing and agreeing with a lot of things. Y'all this is like a relaxing event for me because I get to lay in a comfy bed thing with my eyes closed. So--cow boy. cowboy. there you have it, but I'm moo-stash-eo free now.

G$ was snacking while I was making dinner (homemade chicken pot pie--which he loved--I made up the recipe, but let me tell you, it involves crescent rolls. done.) Maggie walks into the kitchen and vomits on the floor.

Griffin asked for a "didder" (sticker) and so I gave him one. cooked. looked down and he was chewing. Um, Griffin did you just eat your sticker? Answer, "yah." I'm an awesome mom.

G had scarfed down dinner. Been really sweet. Learned how to giggle my thighs while I'm standing (he finds this to be hilarious...which makes me laugh. My thighs have been best friends all of these years for THIS moment). We go up to take a bath and he sits on the potty before bath time and so I take his diaper off only to put my hand in shit. Literal shit. When did he shit himself? How did I not notice?

Momhood is gross, my friends. Grosser when your husband is out of town apparently.

Those dimples are from me.

Smoothie.

2012-01-16T22:10:00.002-06:00

Remember how I'm an amazing mom that only gives her kids organic food and says things like, "no you can't have yogurt, but you can have some gummies (annies, obvs)" yah... me either. Except I said that the other day. Then I felt dumb.

Anyway. today we had a smoothie. G$ loved his mooomy. Because that's what he called it. And asked for more. And didn't really eat dinner. Parent fail? Maybs. Whatever. He had spinach. And napped for 2.5 hours after our children's museum adventure today (another post for another time.) And he calls Gizmo, "dada." Who leaves tomorrow. And I get reacquainted with single momhood... unless "dada" learns to get go go gadget arms, opposable thumbs and change a diaper. Which--I'm totes holding out hope for.....................

And if I've learned ANYTHING from Tyra, it's that G is totally smizing in that picture above. Yah, the one who I can't get to turn the right way. That one. Take it.

It's what's for dinner.

2012-01-10T19:30:00.001-06:00

Not beef. Though I'm not against it; I am a Texan after all. Though, any time I actually think about meat--I wouldn't eat it. Which is a sign, I know. but I do like it. So in my pretend hippy, organic buying, lara bar child eating, farmers markety ways... I made all of G's baby food. I loved it. I like cooking. However, once he started eating "solids" it seemed way harder to me. How can I get him to eat kale now? It's hard to chew. Then I fall into a super rut of mac n cheese (annie's duh), edamame, green peas, broccoli, chicken (hate), pbj, etc etc boring plain food that is often frozen and cooked up as fresh.

I found this website with this lady who is way more creative than me, reminded me I can cook, and she took pics of her kids meals. I was INSPI(red). Take that GAP. Though I think they already make that one. this post does in no way benefit the AIDS foundation... though I wish it did. Please feel free to donate.

G$ LOVES a dipping sauce. Which I never give him (ps. ketchup makes me vommy. So does mayo.) I give him yogurt which he uses as a dipping sauce. Anywho, so today I bought some raw flour tortillas (yum.) cooked it up, made a quesadilla with black beans, corn, cheese, guacamole (dipping sauce), cooked carrots (which he hates--he IS mine), and blueberries. He ate it alllllllllllllllllll. except the carrots which he kindly used as a spoon for the guac and then put back on his tray. He also kept saying "wiiiiiinnneeeee" because that's what I had for his dinner.

All of this to say, we now have ice so I can reintroduce my roman cokes into my life which makes me a better mom. Wait, no, this was about my cooking for the G-man.

Oops. Sorry Shaina, better luck next time.

Everybody jump jump jump

2012-01-09T19:59:00.001-06:00

G loves to jump. He will jump and jump and jump until I try to capture it. Seriously. Every. Single. Time.

The arms crossed maneuver.

The I'm ignoring you and watching Oleeya Or "Ahhhhhhh" sung in a high pitched cutest ever voice. I will also try to capture. And yes, that IS a sheet on my couch. Because I hate dog hair. More than anything (other than running out of wine.) Though Maggie isn't allowed on the couch... she sleeps on it all night. I just need me some plastic wrap. Or an alarm.

And finally, after 5 minutes ~~maybe 30 seconds~~ of "jumping" we pull out the phone to get it. First, a "no." Jumping. Then off.

And not at all related... but when I was having my big night (for work) in a hotel the other day (and the interwebs were down--THE NERVE) I got this video of "Mama, Mardu?" (Where are you?) I love it. Love. Watch it over and over. Don't judge his refuse of utensils. he's going through a "thing." He "thing" also often includes chewing things up and then handing them to me. He's sweet.

one bazillion hours of comp time.

2012-01-06T21:23:00.001-06:00

I have it this week. And get more next week. Because I have zero time to do anything. So today I took off to get my hair cut and colored. Y'all I've been growing these locks out. And it's working. Ry-ry cut quite a bit off today, and colored it, and it's super cute (and basically the same as it was before, sans gray, shorter, better styled etc.) Ben had to pick G up from daycare and so I came home to a sleeping baby and Ben said, "Wow! I really like your hair."

I said... "You should..."

Ben..."I don't want to ask...

"Good. Happy Anniversary. SMILESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"."

I seemed to have misplaced the fact that long hair costs more than short hair. Or something like that. I blame my mom and her early grays.

It's our 7th anniversary this weekend. Dr.B.B. sent off a HUGE project today and his friend asked him what it felt like and he said, "whiskey." So I had to give him his gift early. These Lenox whiskey glasses. Love. Because what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.

And check out this guy. Mr. Handsome (to which he answers.) This is his "cheeeeeeeeese" face. what a ham.

Remember this guy? The original G?

2012-01-05T20:51:00.000-06:00

Gangsta, that is. this post is not for the weak of heart (or fear of anal glands.) This is my furbaby. (total cheeseball term that represents my love for this smushed face, snoring, furry fool.) Gizmo became mine when I stalked him on the interwebs and went in found him in podunk Georgia my first WEEK of grad school. Ben was in town (his senior year of college) and stayed at my apartment to study. I brought home this mess. The one who we came home from going to dinner to find on the dining room table like, "What up bitches? I own this place." And he did. Forever. So he became the dog that people loved to hate, that we loved, and had the highest pitch yelp you've ever heard. Ever.

Could you turn this face in? He was turned in TWICE to this rescue place. TWICE. And the lady I got him from liked to "threaten" me with coming to visit and taking him back (um, hello crazy) and insisted on calling my parents to make sure I could have him (I was 23.)

Little did she know that this dog would go into doggy ICU (for two weeks) and have a blood transfusion and I didn't miss a visiting hour. Oh yes. I said visiting hour. He also stole my first trip to Italy. He also made me lose 10 lbs in like 8 days, just sayin, that was maybe a blessing?

He's sweet (to me.) Griffin LOVES him (feelings not returned.) He bites Ben on a daily basis (when pulling him out from under the bed to go outside.) He can sleep until noon (Ben's dream.) And would love to be walked in a stroller. Which we have yet to do. yet.

He was sickers again the other night when I had to stay at a hotel by myself without a baby monitor and it included some anal leakage. The same kind you get if you eat too many Lays WOW chips. He had a ruptured anal glad that they had to put him under to clean out. So while they cleaned out our wazoo's as well they also removed all but 6 of his teeth. enough to keep his tongue mostly in. Except in the picture above. WHere it's out. And adorable. And I continue to call him "puppy."

He feels better. I made him dog food. I mean, it's no blood transfusion, but it is boiled meat.

Gizmo. Love to hate him.

Remember when I used to be witty?

2012-01-05T20:35:00.000-06:00

Yah, I don't really either... except when I go back and read things and think, ahhhhhhhhhhhh you must have gotten more sleep then, or less sleep and was more punchy.

Remember when Scott Wolf was on Party of 5 and wasn't a creeper who blew up a house on NCIS? Hotty hotterpants Bailey. An option for G$'s name was Bailey. Granted, G$ was my original name. I wasn't clear of what Griffin's gangsta name would be until he was born. I think you have to check out the grill before you can solidify the name. Granted, he did not have teeth when born (THANK GAWD) so we had to wait it out.

So here is to more sleep, funnier posts, more punches. Bring it 2012. Bring. it. And maybe weight loss. And more leg shaving. More dusting. More crib sheet changing. More frugalness. Better eating. Better correspondance. Better recycling. Better wine? More snuggles. Less annoyances. Cleaner bathrooms. Smaller jeans. LOTS more running. Less sensible shoes. And a 7th anniversary (on Sunday)

Whatchu got goin' on?

Product love.

2012-01-05T20:10:00.000-06:00

I like products. I go in phases of needing them. Simplifying. Moving on. I went through a phase of using a dove beauty bar (for the last year or more?) as my primary face wash. I read somewhere that it's simple. It's best. You're great. It was. I like it ok. I'm now focused on my "fine lines." I also wear a lot of mascara sometimes so that my lashes are long and luxurious (and occasionally itchy, and crusty.) So when I went to sephora the other day for my new head for my clarisonic mia (which I totally endorse, bt dubs--PS. I have not been paid for this advertisement. It's off my own accord. So if you want to pay me, I'll tell you what you want to hear.) I checked out the sample section at the checkout. my downfall. I bought this because I'd read about it and I LOVE it. It takes a little amount and totally takes off makeup, mascara, and leaves your skin soft and not dry. It doesn't smell amazeballs, but it doesn't smell like balls either. Selling point?

Next to add to my list? Great reviews. I am hoping it is the magic eraser to my lines. Or maybs I'll just use the magic eraser. Y'all, have you tried it? It's filled with unicorns and butter and other amazing things. I need this for my face. I've also been working like a mad woman and am taking comp time tomorrow to get my hura did. Good bye ratty hair and gray, hello paid for blondes and smooth ends. Until I move that bus and jack my hair up with the curling iron.

I want these boots.

2012-01-01T20:57:00.000-06:00

bad. Need. Want. Desire.

In black. I keep them open on my computer in case someone wants to buy them for me.

These.

Mama-razzi

2012-01-01T20:25:00.000-06:00

G$ is sickers. Thankfully he slept last night ALL NIGHT... the night before, not so much. I did try to coerce him into sleeping with me which he thought was funny and wanted to play. It was unreasonable. He also has projectile snot. too much? Maybe. It's gross. He's gone multiple places with real bad crusty nose. White trash.

We went to the farmers market. Road the train at the mall. Went to a local cheese shop. Played football in the front yard (like any good Texan should do.) Had amazing wine. Had smores with nutella. Met our neighbors. Watched some fireworks in our front yard (while we were roasting our marshmellows over a turkey fryer... in our yard.) Awesome town.

My most voluminous hair of 2011.

2012-01-01T20:19:00.000-06:00

Or ever, really. Except in 10th grade when I got fatties and had a perm. An unfortunate year, for sure. I'm in love with my new (third) curling iron. Love. Seriously. I'm going to do it again tomorrow (because I didn't shower today. It's the way my 2012 started. Whatevs.) Anywho. I was kind of in love. It's a mess.

VOLUME. I had volume!

As seen on TV

2011-12-31T14:36:00.000-06:00

So I don't impulse buy. Basically ever. I like research. I like lists. I use a paper calendar. I decided a while back that I wanted a curling iron now that my hair is longer. Today, I decided it was "the day." I have not researched at all so I bought an "As seen on TV" conair variety that came complete with Michael Jackson glove.

For real. I has a three finger glove because there is no clamp for your hair. Let me tell you, I'm not that coordinated. The curls were AWESOME, however, the ends... .look like when you would curl with the pink foam curlers (yowsas) or hot rollers (which I used a LOT in 8th grade) and you didn't get the ends turned under (which is why I had my mom do the hot rollers for me.) Soooooooo I returned to le grocery store and got a different one. I had to admit to the girl in customer service I couldnt' use it (keep in mind only 1/3 of my hair is semi-curled.) So I get another one only to bring it home and it WON'T TURN ON. Soooooo the Dr. Black is returning it for me. Love. Twuuuuuuuu love.

I also bought some magic eraser for the under eyes. I usually buy at a fancy counter, but today, HEB. It's awesome. It is dreamy.

Oh, and in my alternate universe when I was originally checking out with the original curling iron the sweet high school girl asked me excitedly if I was going to curl my hair for NYE. I just responded, "Yah! I think so!" Leading her to believe that we were not drinking wine and grilling steaks at our house with our sick baby and most likely I will get in bed and read my vampire book. I thought she'd find that not as exciting. Hey, I'm just trying to keep her dream alive. Really, it was about her.

At the expense of others...

2011-12-30T14:12:00.000-06:00

Work has not offered you any tales as of late. However, today I will let you know of 3.

One lady has decided to throw caution to the wind and wear a full on Jose Cuervo ensemble (sans bottle of tequila.) Today, I was also taken aback that she is wearing a full on Michael Jackson shout out, complete with knee high boots, kacki riding pants, and a blazer with epithets. Also of note, spell check does not recognize the word Cuervo. Tee totalers. I would have got a sneak shot, but alas, I didn't have my phone on me as I had walked down the hall at the nerve of them sending an email to let us know that the water was turned off for some unforseen reason and the city didn't have any workers in our area so until further notice, please don't use the bathroom here. Um, doesn't that mean, go home?

Anywho... this is all leading up to Windpant Winnie (not her actual name. Said co-worker regularly espouses ridiculous commentary on cultural events, wears windpants as "business casual", saves ribbons from our work gift exchange, and is over the age of 70.) She went to the eye doctor last week to get contacts. He put them in her eyes to make sure they were the right ones. Yesterday, she went for her follow up. The eye doctor said, "You don't have any contacts in." She disagreed. She had not taken them out. Looked again. No contacts. At which she reported that he had put them in her eyes LAST WEEK and she had not removed them. Um, he had also taken them out of her eyes at that same first appointment and she HAD NO IDEA. No clue. She had not realized all week that she was not able to see. Omg. I question so many things in that story like who decides to wear contacts for the first time past the age of 70? How did she not realize that the doctor had removed the corrective lenses? Did she just think her vision had not improved? Who wears contacts for a WEEK? I could go on, but should refrain.

Christmas 2011

2011-12-28T21:41:00.000-06:00

Last christmas G was 5 months old. FIVE. Tiny. He sat up for a surprisingly long time playing a keyboard from 1987 and wore a bow because we found out Courtney was having a girl. He also couldn't take things off of his head. the child wears NOTHING on his head. Ass.

We had a pretty fab Christmas spent with family and friends, and friends of friends. We spent Friday night with our BFF's and their little girl (G's future wife. My future daughter in law to whom I promise I will NOT be crazy. Wait, I promise I will be only fun crazy.) She taught G how to say "mine," and they gave one another lots of kisses, and wanted to share nothing. We had an amazing time. Ah-ma-zing. Then we had fun with Ben's fam. g racked up on the gifts--an awesome tent--played in this today, I MUST upload pics. They are adorbs., a book of places we need to go, a bear that talks, TALKS I tell you, money from his great grandmother, and an outdoor playscape. Awesometown. I'm not going to lie, we also got the hookup. And we ate well so I'm not sure what is NOT to like about that... other than a toddler who doesn't want to be contained and had reached his limits by about 6 pm.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh presents. That I can rip the paper off of and then obsess about putting in the trash vs. actually playing with it. YES.

Cutie.

The process of sharing.

Don't let her fool you. She clearly loves him.

"leaning back" in glammy and poppy's bed.

Being cute.

We went to my parents on Sat. Went to church on Sun. Had gift opening at their house after the kids napped. We were again blessed with LOTS of presents. Including a personalized Sandra Boynton book for G$, a ball popper, blocks, instruments, books, cars, I could go on and on. I got an adorable apron, Ben got $ to the homebrew supply store, we enjoyed giving, we ate bacon, we ate lots of other food, we drank, we played a super fun game, and we laughed and laughed and some of us "eyes shifting to the Dr" took tequila shots with my Uncle. (My uncle who likes to challenge ben, and my husband who can't refuse a challenge.) It was a great holiday. We love being wiht family and can't wait to move closer... which isn't happening any time soon. Sigh.

Until then, we'll keep coming to visit. Bringing all our stuff, our 2 dogs and our 1 child. Pardon the fact that there are not currently any pics of the niece and nephew.... I didn't look great in mine and I'm so shallow that I'm not posting them. More to come!

17 months!

2011-12-22T22:21:00.000-06:00

Lately I hear a lot of "Mama, Arrrrrrrreeeee you???" Meaning "Mama, where are you." It's hilarious. And adorable. And I encourage it. Even when I'm right in front of you. This may be confusing. Whatever. I take cute over smart any day. I kid. I kid. (please stay cute.) He also likes to put a ball under something and look at me and say, "Where go?" and hold your hands out. I love it. a lot. You also love Santa--when we see him through our window or on tv. You constantly ask to watch "baby" on my phone. Which is you. You love you. You think you're hilarious.

You're a pretty good eater. though you refused cookies tonight. And weren't a fan of chic fil a. I need to start feeding you crap more often so you can be like me. You are sweet. You love mama right now. Love to give me zerberts on my tummy. You also "sing" along to the Olivia song. (YESSSSSSSSSSSs you have my singing voice. Which is not good.) You have the memory of your Aunt. You remember everything. When we drive up to places you remember what we do there... which today meant milk from starbucks in target. I avoided and succeeded. I win I win!

You've started testing your limits. Which I think is funny and exhausting. When I tell you something is hot you blow on it like I blow on your food. You're a character for sure. You make us laugh daily and I have a hard time believing I could love another baby the amount I love you (this is not an announcement.)

I love you from your head to your toes and everything in between. Especially that belly.

I look young?

2011-12-21T21:19:00.000-06:00

So G$ and I bought some wine at the grocery store the other day and the checker CARDED me. I was in heaven. He then told me he was WAY off and thought I was MUCH younger. Clearly, we are going to have a love affair. I never get carded anymore. I blame the baby. Yet another reason for teen pregnancy? That and the body bouncing back thing. Pretty much just the body. Damn you teenage girls.

Anyway, so in order to keep up this farce of youngevity I need some face help. I know I've posted about this before, but I need some anti aging stuffs. So what I've been doing is washing with dove extra sensitive or whatever bar, (I've re-introduced the clarisonic after buying a "sensitive" head), and then I use cetaphil cream as my moisturizer. I know. High maintenance, right?

(Please note I've also recently purchased a new facewash because it was in the checkout at sephora and basically got it for free... well, that or my bumble and bumble hair spray... also at the checkout.)

SO I was researching some anti aging stuff and here is a consideration--could I just buy a serum and put it in my cetaphil? I use that cream all over. I'm a one stop shop. Fo sho. I also buy the up and up brand because I'm frugal.

I've got forehead lines. Me no likey.

gender differences

2011-12-20T13:38:00.000-06:00

So yesterday we got new tires for the wagon (the vulva, as ben's friends call it... which still makes me laugh. Yes, I realize it's sexist. Still funny), paid a zillion dollars for a dog I currently want to strangle, and Ben broke his iphone4. Yes, I am saying Iphone4 because it's pertains to the following conversation.

me: So did you get the new iphone?
B: no, I got the new version of my old one.
me: So you did get the newest one?
B: no.
me: So you got an iphone4?
B: yes, a new version though without scratches and stuff.

Um, so then just say that you got the same one. I realize it's new.

Our brains do not work the same. at all.

chit chit chit chit chit

2011-12-19T20:03:00.000-06:00

So Ms. Maggie Mae has been peeing in the floor lately. I mean, I know she's dumb, but she IS potty trained. Today, G and I got home from an errand and she didn't get up to greet us. So to the vet she went, and almost $300 later, the vet basically told me that he thinks it's behavioral. Awesome. So because we came in from the car, and basically immediately left, and my child had pooped his pants I had to change his diaper on the vet table.

Good parenting?

The other day I dropped Mac N Cheese on the floor and said, "shit." to which G responded "chit chit chit chit chit".

Amazing parenting?

Today my baby said a SENTENCE. "I done mama."

I probably deserve an award.

PEEKaboooooo

2011-12-16T22:05:00.000-06:00

Anyone watch Up All Night the new comedic genius show with Christina Applegate and Will Arnette? O. M. G. So the first show was a little trial and error of being serious and funny--which didn't work, but totally reflected my life so I kept going. They've fully embraced themselves and Mia Rudolph so life is good. There is this episode where they go to a kids music class and get schooled in peekaboo.

Well, I went to a music class with G$ yesterday (and a friend and her little boy--who is adorbs.) In this music class they had some "communal drums." So while we were singing some song I don't know and trying to be enthusiastic about it while no one can actually hear me sing. g is watching us tap the drum and so I take his hand and show him he can hit it... in which case I was reprimanded. "Parents, remember that we don't make our children touch the drum. That is teaching them OUR muscle memory and not letting them learn their own. We never make them do something they don't want."

At which point I tried to contain my, "Oh no you didn't" face and adequately go back to being a good parent. (that is trying to do all of the right things.)

Balloons.

2011-12-14T19:43:00.000-06:00

They sound sweet, they occupy G$ at the grocery store, and we still have one lodged in a tree from his bday... in July.

Want to know what makes them less sweet? When they are lodged in your face. This is right friends. Yesterday I had what Ben calls a "face enlargening surgery." You can read more about it here under Balloon Sinuplasty. I also had a turbinate reduction. So six balloons (three on each side) and a drill maneuver on both sides and somehow I miss the fact that it would hurt. I think it was all overshadowed by the fact that I got to take an antianxiety pill. I know, I shouldn't admit that I was interested, but I was. Well, I didn't really take it early enough, apparently, and apparently I'm not super susceptible to the numbing agents, and I'm OVERLY susceptible to the endorphin shot that makes my heart race (also reduces bleeding?) Well, it hurt like a mo'fo and gave me a raging headache.

And THAT is how balloons are not fun. Other than the whole fear I have that one will pop and I will swallow it and suffocate. Thanks, mom.

All in all though, the recovery is not bad at all. I will hopefully stop saying "my face hurts" all of the time because I will be CURED. I mean, I heard all of the muscles and cartilage move. MOVE. I heard it. It was kind of awesome.

But I'll leave you with this. My baby likes to use the potty (actually has gone in it THREE TIMES) before bathtime... but only while wearing a beaded necklace. He also drinks bathwater... which I find to be disgusting. And the reason that he sits on the potty prior to bathtime.

Christmas cards.

2011-12-13T20:49:00.000-06:00

*Most of them have gone out (not all of them). However a lot of them haven't arrived and they were mailed like TWO WEEKS AGO. I casually want to stalk people and see if they've gotten them Is that weird? Clearly not, right?

Because of pinterest, my source of all things crafty and awesome, I'm putting them on our cabinets with strips of ribbon. So cute. Ben also said, "Oh look! We got another card from your blog friend" Yep! And we're getting one from ANOTHER blog friend, too.

I think he's jealous of my pretend friendships. Which are real, just geographically not sound.

Side note... I was at nordstrom rack the other day and my heart about stopped when I saw a girl who could have been Bethenny Frankel. I almost died. Literally. Then stared. Then decided it probably wasn't.

Today's the day! We're on our way-ish.

2011-12-10T18:29:00.001-06:00

SINGLE PARENTING IS OVER TONIGHT! Ben is back in the US and should be on his way back to the ATX. He's sick. He got sick while in the Japan, tried to believe it was something he ate (because y'all, he ate some weird shiz.) but now he is realizing he's sick sick.

I had plans. I'm a bad wife because I'm really disappointed I can't meet my friend to go running in the AM. For the first time since October. I mean, I've attempted since then, but it hasn't worked out--screaming kid, rain, cold, hangover. I had PLANS. I was going to go meander around Target at some point even though we don't need anything. I was going to maybe go to the gap and return something. I was going to do something BY MYSELF. Oh, news flash. I'm also a bad mom.

Anyone ever been there? Where you need a day off?

I was going to wear my new running tights. Le sigh. Pity party. Party of 1.

Nope. Still not home.

2011-12-09T21:26:00.000-06:00

To say I'm impressed with single moms is an understatement. To say I'm impressed with single mom's who work is a gross understatement. Y'all, getting to work by 8:15 is tough when you're alone and have a baby and 2 dogs. I know. I'm lame. I shower at night. Wait until G wakes up and hear him over the monitor, wait at least 5 more minutes (until he starts calling mamamamamam) and bring him downstairs at which he is STARVING. Starving. Absolutely starving. He eats. I bribe him with some 'Street (of the sesame variety) and I attempt to put on make up (while he is waving his hands saying up up) and get us both dressed. My sister does this EVERYDAY (except the days her hubs is at home in the AM's) with TWO CHILDREN.

I've exhausted my groceries for myself (and fed my child a waffle and yogurt for dinner) and so ordered a pizza. And ate all of it. And was awkward and walked outside before the delivery guy ever got out of his car. Because I saw his lights. Because I was waiting on him. Because my baby was asleep. And because my dogs would bark. Awkward. I'm awkward.

And full.

Do you ever think?

2011-12-08T21:51:00.001-06:00

Heck yes. I've got life together. I'm fully dressed (and showered) and HAVE ON MAKEUP.

Then you get somewhere and someone points out that you have goldfish on your shoulder?

No?

I would gladly give up a late arrival, a cocktail (maybe?) and all other things I once enjoyed for a little fish shoulder. They're sweeping the nation.

And suspicions confirmed. I purchased my "mom jeans." Yah, and a puffy vest--which needs to be returned. Dang you Lisa and your gap friendship.

Latest annoyances

2011-12-08T20:50:00.001-06:00

Are you ready for Ben to come home so that I stop posting 85 blog posts? Yah. I'm sure you are. Too bad. You have more days.

So 2 commercials that just came on after Big Bang Theory that bothered me--
1. The latest ipod touch commercial with the guy in skinny jeans. It bothers me. Do not wear them. Boys wearing skinny jeans bothers and disturbs me a little.
2. A McDonald's latte commercial--they called it "expresso." It's ES-presso. Bitches.

And now cute pictures.

mini cupcake... he like broccoli more.

licking most of the icing off. Gross.

He just learned he can swish stuff in his mouth. It's adorable.

Other annoyances--Lexus commercials at Christmas time. Ridiculous. If someone gave me a music box with that "song" I'd be like wow... a music box. I guess I really AM a mom. Secretly, I hope someone gives me a Lexus.

Baby Bear on Sesame Street. I should not need to explain. I'm sure I can come up with more.

A smidgen of narcissism.

2011-12-07T22:56:00.000-06:00

So yes. Three posts in one evening. I know, it's exhausting for me, too. The thing is... I would do this tomorrow but THREE TIMES TONIGHT I have forgotten what the hell I was going to write about. I mean, I knew it was something (that most people aren't interested in) but then forgot everytime I was struck with a new stimuli... ohhhhhhhhhhh glass of wine, ohhhhhhhhh UPS guy with my computer and G's new child sized broom, ohhhhhhhhh Modern Family, OHhhhhhhh glass of wine AND a frozen pizza. (Dude, I live it up BIG when Ben is gone. Tomorrow I might have cereal. Or cheese. Depending if I make it to the store--which probably won't.)

Anywho. So I made our Christmas cards this year through picnic editing stuffs. they are by no means a high quality christmas card you would order from anywhere. I also decided, in my sense of frugality to make them into a postcard. It both saves the environment from some envelopes and the postage is cheaper. Epic fail. So the picture I chose didn't really fit on the normal card so it suggested the "large" card. Sure. It's a postcard, whatevs. no. no. NO. I opened them and was astonished. I left them on the counter for Ben to find. Here's the conversation we had at work.

B: Hey, so I saw we got our Christmas cards. They're nice. (He's encouraging like that)
Me: Yah, so you like them?
B: I do. They are really big. I didn't realize how big they would be.
Me: I was kind of hoping no one would notice. Sigh.

They are huge. Embarrassingly huge. If you are to put it on your fridge or whatever other sort of decorator that pinterest has suggested it will take up the entire space. We are that impressed with ourselves. I did put a disclaimer on some of the cards... but for most of them I just had to take a silent jab wound to the jugular. So you may not have gotten yours yet (some went out today... others have yet to be addressed.) Don't judge me openly. Only to friends we don't have and never will have in common. Like you, Brooke. You can complain.

Other tone of my narcissistic tendencies. Everytime I get an email I'm like YAYYYYYYYY someone is emailing me. EVEN THOUGH I JUST POSTED A COMMENT ON SOMEONE ELSE'S blog. This means, that I'm getting emails from myself. You win this time psyche. You win.

Tiny.

2011-12-07T21:25:00.000-06:00

My tiny computer arrived today. You may think... wait, didn't you get an ipad-ish thing? And yes, yes I did. However, I cannot type on it efficently or read blogs, or write emails, or upload pictures. NOW I CAN. easily. And it's tiny. And I can take it to bed. Score.

All of this to mean that I am probably cooking my ovaries by keeping my computer in my lap in the evenings. Seriously, I'm kind of worried about my future children.

I also worry about my current child. The one who was super splashing around in the bath tub tonight. Laid back on his back and was kicking his legs. Having SO much fun. It was adorable. I was loving it. Until a little turdlet floated up. I had to dig a piece of poop out of the drain.

Being a mom is disgusting. Is he too young for showers? I don't think he can poop standing up.

choo choo. down. mama. Ma-MAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

2011-12-07T21:11:00.000-06:00

This was our afternoon. G woke up kind of early from his nap which was fine because it's the perfect time to go see Danta (santa). Only to get there and learn (via the lady behind me with one VERY VERY ADHD 9 year old boy) that it was an early release. DANG IT. Hello long line.

The train we rode last weekend was choo chooing around and G is basically obsessed with it. He just kept saying "choo choo. Where go?"

Finally our turn to see santa. I go to set him in Santa's lap and he is clinging to me saying MAMA MAMA I set him down anyway because I'm a good mom who needs memories dang it. Soon this brain will fade (kidding, that started with pregnancy) and I won't remember. He cried the whole time even though I gave him a sucker. After the pictures I rescued him and said, "Can you say bye bye to Santa?" And through his big ol sad face tears he said, "bye bye, Danta." Cutest. thing. ever. Then I had to wait in line AGAIN to get the pics.

THERAPYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Prior to meltdown.

Where he pretends to fall down and say "uh ohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Glee.

2011-12-06T20:42:00.000-06:00

I desperately love a group dance scene. Love. I really want to be in one. I really love performing and really love hate speaking in public. Any sort of public. Including family. Dancing. Yes. Basically I need to interpretive dance all prayers from here on out.

I imagine Mike Chang's dad responding to his wanting to be a dancer the way my parents inwardly felt about me saying I was majoring in psych, sociology, and religious studies. You know, they loved me and wanted to be encouraging but without hope for my future. They of course didn't tell me this.

Another form of glee? My friend owns a women's running store. They had a Christmas party tonight and G and I went. I desire basically everything in the store, but only ended up with a pair of running tights that I didn't have a chance to try on because well... G$ isn't a shopper. He's a run around crazy-ier. Prior to turning into a pumpkin, he gets crazy pants and is a huge ham that entertains everyone and really wanted to show people his belly, but was wearing a onesie. OH THE HUMANITY. He's a mess. And I love it.

Did you know?

2011-12-05T21:14:00.000-06:00

a couple of years ago on my bday. With bevvies. Pre child. That's what my lack of chins says.

That I over think things? Like, in that one swiffer commercial where the lady is talking in a pretend Texas accent in full out chaps saying, "I'm just a piece of dirt stuck here in a rut." And then... it says "dramatization" on the screen. Um, really? We didn't realize she was pretending to be dirt and then throw herself onto a dust mop? Or was the dramatization that the swiffer doesn't work as well as it does in that commercial? Or that they don't think peoples floors are actually that dirty? My floors are regularly that dusty. (except when I steam mop 85 times... then still. dog hairy.)
I don't know how to play the piano. I wasn't allowed to have lessons because my sister took them. We are not a musically inclined people. (and because I did other things. I didn't live a restricted life.)
At this one camp I went to the cool thing was you slept one night on this big huge swinging bridge over a ravine (creek), and the girl I slept next to I didn't like so I pushed her shoes overboard.
I love buying people presents, and putting them in an excel file.
I don't mind when Ben goes out of town occasionally. I watch bad tv, eat cereal and drink wine for dinner, and read the interwebs in bed.
I wait until G gets up from his nap to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I think... if I keep waiting then I won't have to go later and occupy him while I pee.
I ate an entire role of mentos the other day after an impulse buy in all of 5 minutes. My teeth are probably rotting. But they are the fresh maker so it's ok. Ps. What the hell is a fresh maker? Is that some word that was in spanish and didn't translate well because I would think the fresh maker would mean that your breath would smell all minty and clean but it doesn't.
I make it sound like I have 80,000 cocktails a week when, in reality, it's only 70,000. (meaning, I'm a lot of talk.)
I like new clothes. I habitually buy black and white shirts.
I continually think that I could be friends with celebs. Like, good friends. If only they gave me a chance. And by famous people I typically mean their characters on TV--except Stacie and Clinton are real life. Love them. A lot. I once emailed Clinton about guacamole.
I've told 2 people that this is the first year I've put up a tree in this house after living here for 4 years. Then I talked to Ben and he reminded me that we put it up our first year... we just moved the egg crate over that was holding our tv so there was more space. I am thankful for furniture.
I giggle when they say "penetration" in football. I'm simple. I'm a 7th grade boy.
I wear flip flops 12 months a year.
I'm embarking on my 6th team in training event in June. I've fundraised for all of them. I've raised over 17 thousand dollars... which is not even close to what it costs for ONE YEAR of education at my undergrad.
I knew nothing about finances as senior in high school picking higher education.
I drink well with others. It's a lovable trait.
This is a completely completely random post.

mom jeans.

2011-12-04T12:02:00.000-06:00

I went to the gap the other day. As I'm known to do. And the lady who works there, Lisa, she knows me. And the G$. (It's all by it's lonesome so no mall going required. SCORE.) Anyway, I tried on a pair of jeans and then told Ben about them.

Me: I saw Lisa today (roll of eyes from Dr.) and tried on a pair of jeans at the Gap. I liked them because they come up a little higher.

Ben: mouth open. wow. For when you stop being a woman and start being a mom? Are you there?

Me: Gap doesn't sell mom jeans! (... but I know they used to. I think that style has chosen to remain only in the LL Bean catalog. At the gap it used to be the "relaxed" fit though... I had some. In the 90's.)

I'm a mom though. Might as well start looking the part.

They were long and lean's. In case you were wondering.

Our day in a nutshell.

2011-12-03T21:24:00.000-06:00

It's a rainy day here. Finally. It's supposed to rain for the next 5 days or something crazypants. So I put together a goodl ol' cardboard box today (and buy put together, I mean put things inside of.) I do not like the noise of cardboard so this is PURE LOVE GRIFFIN, PURE LOVE. It's an activity box filled with shiz we already own. SURPRISE. MOMMY LOVES YOU. I read about it on some blog as a toddler activity that kept her kid busy for 45 minutes.

My child has never done anything for 45 minutes. Ever.

We had a really awesome afternoon going from thing to thing to thing, though. And he's pretty funny. With a new love of blowing his nose (complete with blowing noise) and pretending to go night night in random places. He just lays down and says "ni-ni".

Also new--he randomly points at things and says, "nnnnnnnnno." Thank you Frannie. A girl at his daycare says this. it's awesome. Or less awesome. Depends on if it's your kid or not, I suppose.

He is also not a fan of spaghetti which makes me question if he's mine. And uses yogurt as a dipping sauce for whatever he's eating. Gross.

And I put out Christmas decorations. Win. And cleaned the kitchen. I've yet to tackle laundry chair because well, she's a bitch. She will take you in, steal your underpants, and taunt you. Just asking you to put all of your laundry on her. Then she'll inspire you. Take your clothes. Put them on the bed. You'll put them away before you go to bed and then she's all TAKE THAT SUCKA you're just putting all of those clothes back on me! What? It doesn't happen to anyone else?

Should I mention again that I used to pretend to be Annie when doing my house work growing up? Active imagination. Full force.

Last year at this time...

2011-12-03T13:11:00.000-06:00

This little peanut was 4 months old. Ben went to Japan and we were home alone ~~and I was obsessively reading the Hunger Games.~~ G was still living in our bathroom. Which meant that we had basically moved out of our own room and took showers and everything upstairs. This is G$ in the bumbo realizing how handsome he is while I'm getting dressed for work. Upstairs. This is the time when clothes LIVED on our dining room table because well, I couldn't ever put them away. Now our clothes mostly live in "laundry chair" that resides in our room where the once occupied by the glider. PS. G now lives in his room. And he's 16 months old. And rode on a train today (at the mall. With train conductor Kyle who also referenced himself as a professional whistler.... who has memorized over 100 disney songs.) Conductor Kyle was a little creepy, but a good driver through a crowded mall. I think he has a bright future.

All Aboard!

Dare devil went back on after our ride was done. Gotta pose.

He's been saying "Choo Choo" since we left. Thankfully, not yet whistling Disney songs.

As Ben absolutely did not leave for Japan this morning, and it's raining for the next zillion days, we've got to fill our time and I don't think G likes obsessively cleaning as much as I do so I guess I'll do that after he goes to bed.

So until then I'm developing games. Or something. Getting paint? Decorating our house? Actually putting up stockings? TBD.

I like big boots and I cannot lie.

2011-12-01T14:22:00.001-06:00

Someone is obsessed with Dad's boots. (not me, in case you were wondering.) Moy moy. More boots? Yah! He wants to walk in them. Not just standing. Standing is for lame-o's.

And because I'm an awesome mom, I often repeat "moy" because I think it's cute. I know it's wrong. I don't care. I also am having a glass of wine at 2:20 on a Thursday because... well, I'm also doing 2 jobs in 4 hours a day. Meaning working hours. My admin asst is having open heart surgery tomorrow (chest bump to Bobb-o), and so I'm doing both her job and mine. Oh, and my kid has been napping for approx 1 hour in the afternoons this week. which means all I've done is eat some frozen waffles and watch Chelsea Lately and some Parenthood.

Um, but how cute is he? And do these pictures also make you sing, "I like big boots and I cannot lie"? I haven't made up the rest of the song yet, but it's going to be awesome.

Cheers.

*update. he's been sleeping 2 hours. I still have done nothing. Other than now reference the LAST time I referenced "I like big butts." Because who doesn't make multiple posts about that?

First world problems.

2011-11-30T14:06:00.001-06:00

Here are my current ones.

I want to get G a kitchen. We don't have space for it.
I want to buy him gifts, but don't want to travel with them for Christmas and travel back with them and really, don't we normally just get him what he needs?
Ben got me this new ipad-ish thing (android based) and I have no stinkin' clue how to use it. Will I learn how to use this product? I have no clue how to type on it. Maybe not everyone searches the interwebs the way I do? Meaning, I have blogs to read and random things to search for an put in my online "basket" only to not purchase them. So do I keep it? Will I learn? Am I that technologically awful? I need to edit pictures.

Help me. Please.

Also considering a glass of wine. I'm thinking yes, though.

Thanksgiving--a recap.

2011-11-27T20:30:00.000-06:00

It happened. We hosted again only this time I wasn't a sleep deprived gravy train of non-sense. As much as a mom of a toddler can be, right? I think that still counts as sleep deprived when your kid still wakes up. Whatevs, though, whatevs. I made an adequate amount of food. The weather was fabs which meant we could sit outside, which meant we weren't crammed inside into a tiny living space, and......... there were drinks. All in all a kind of fabulous holiday. (Minus the fact that my nephew woke up puking on Saturday morning... or Friday night. Technicalities, really. All I know is that I saw a cone of vomit at least once. But maybe we can ignore the fact that this happened because it was technically after t-giving.... though it was when my sister and I were going to splurge on pedicures--so nevermind, I'm counting it.)

Bubbles

Post ball throwing.

Uncle Chris. Despite what it looks like... he does not have Mike Tyson face tats. Just shadows.

Dada and G

So different from Christmas last year. (which was a full fledged shit show.)

GQ?

Glammy, Poppy and their grandkids

Glammy, Brooklyn and G$

Glammy and Brooklyn

This is my favorite picture.

Cutie siblings.

Yay

Blue steel

Chase

Baby Brookly (or broo broo as G calls her, and has been saying for 2 days)

Yep. Red solo cup. Take it.

Boo. (ladder golf, G$ style)

Cookies.

Ell-Monkey (pre-puking)

Digging with sticks. G was fascinated by everything Ell does.

Mama and food mooch #1.

Manny and food mooch #2

Thanks, mama.

I Did it!!!

Best fam photo we could make happen.

My sister told us to be candid so I stuck my finger up his what what.

Did you follow that?

On a side note, my hubs and BIL were throwing tiny airfilled child balls in our backyard before I announced "BALLS ARE ALL DONE" because my husband also pegged my child in the head. That happened. I saw it. G$ also screamed for approx 2 hours on T-giving night. Less fun. teeth are bitches. He is not owning them the way I have taught him. And finally... a picture from last year to show you how BIG he is.

16 months. I'll drink to that.

2011-11-22T18:55:00.001-06:00

Is that inappropriate? But seriously, I'm having a drink. My baby is a big ol' 16 month old (in mom speak), a little over a year in normal people speak. He's cute. He's funny. He has recently (this week maybe?) learned to throw a FIT (less cute. but makes me laugh.) He also has learned to say "gaga" or cracker, which I desperately want to teach him means white people. I won't, but that's a joy of motherhood, right? no, I think that's a joy of Aunt-hood--because then it isn't YOUR kid that's weird. Am I right, Court?

The kids says a lot of words--most of which sound the same, but I know what he's talking about--which is clearly what matters (that and at the doctor's office. we don't want to fail a test.) He says toes, nose, eyes, mama, dada, gaga, something weird for sucker, plane, truck, dinosaur (or just sor, lets be real), hi, bye, the more (now pronounced moyyyyy), up, down, blows kisses, doesn't do anything on command, and would like to eat dog food. And a quarter if I had let him today. (I didn't, for the record.) He's started repeating. Mama needs to start remembering that part.

I can't imagine loving someone more. He cracks me up. He pretend falls all of the time. Still loves for us to feed him. Doesn't really love meat. Is obsessed with the dogs. I worry has OCD (wants to turn on the lights after nap and closes doors), still has all of his teeth and is getting more (yay....), told me he was "stuck" last night when he couldn't get out of his stroller, anddddddddd is having his second Thanksgiving this week. How is that possible??

2 years ago we announced we were having a baby at T-giving (except for to my sister who I had to tell early so she could cover for me for not having any vino.) We've come a long way.

Here's a video.

narcissism. hello.

2011-11-21T20:08:00.000-06:00

(this is another post in which I blame the internet for my failings.)

My google analytics is SURELY broken. I recall this now that I decided to go visit it and it told me that I have had THREE VISITORS. Three. three.

In my mind I'm totally cooler than that. right?

Pinterest makes me fat.

2011-11-21T15:17:00.001-06:00

No, and I'm not referring to the amount of time I spend sitting on the couch looking at other people's creative ideas and thinking about how I should try them, but instead will "pin" them and then forget and re-pin them again... oh, and make me want a new wedding.

it's this. The greatest queso that ever lived. I can't stop thinking about it. Romanticizing about it. Needing it. Imagining how it tastes. Considering if my baby would wake up if I went to the store REALLY QUICKLY for the ingredients. Babies first queso? All signs point to yes. I'm thinking this is in my immediate future. I'm telling myself that I should try it now so I can perfect it for Thanksgiving.... because who doesn't have queso at thanksgiving? I'm thinking it should be a new tradition. I'm not a huge fan of turkey anyway.

So THAT is how pinterest is making me fat. Well, that and the couch sitting thing.

Also, this is just a piece of advice in case you were thinking it's normal to try and get some random baby to come to you while his mom is holding him at big lots and seriously keep holding your hands out and asking him to come to you--this is not normal. now take your pine cones (why do they always have pine cones?) and let me go back and consider the amazing couch for $3 over there.

I've also never purchased anything at big lots because inevitably there is one checker and 3000 people---which I'm going biblical terms on the 3k people--so double that because women and children don't count, and I have zero patience for line standing.

Unless it was for the greatest queso that ever lived--or as I call it--salad dressing. I feel thinner already.

How not to raise your toddler

2011-11-16T22:23:00.000-06:00

So this article was floating all around my FB today. All around. Let me tell you about the incidence of last night-- (Ps, you don't want to know.) I had my first vomit experience with le bebe. Um, gross. And sad. And mom guilt because I thought it was my fault because I let him share my pizza and zucchini chips (but not my prosecco and glass of vino.) So I thought that I caused the vommies due to the greasy foods. It. was. awful. started at 10. I took my ambien at 9. I was able to work it, clean vom, give a bath, rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat, repeat. Turns out, apparently a virus. Kid at school has it. (Jude, who G calls Dude. maybe cooler?) And NeeNee.

I hope my child never vom's again. Ever. I'm fearful of the vom. I can do it for children and babies no probs,(not saying I like it,) but I secretly hope he has a fear of the vom--the vomiphobia. Please note, DSM-5.5, I named that and I have 10's of followers who can quote it. My sister and I have this fear. Fo' sho. It's bad.

Maybe enough of the talk and entire blogpost about throwing up? No? It's gross.

Another incidence--this one from today. So I stopped to get a little lip wax. The guy tells me it will be one minute and I'm all ok, well if I need to come back, it's ok. No no. One minute. He goes into the wax room (maybe the lady was napping on the wax table--who can blame her?) Anywho, she comes out dress over black pants. Cute. I go. Lay down. Get the much needed hair ripped off my face, close my eyes, and relax--I mean, I'm a mom. this is relaxation time. Especially after catching vom in a towel. And on my shirt. And on my shirt again. And in the towel. mmm hot wax. wax bed. heaven.

Moving on. I get up from the table only to see that she is NO LONGER WEARING PANTS. When did that happen? Maybe I was on some sort of Girls Behaving Badly show? if you missed any of that by gagging, it's that I went in and the lady was wearing pants and came out and she wasn't. weird. I tipped her $4 on my $6 transaction. So maybe she thinks I liked it. Weird if I go back?

I used to be here. Thank goodness I found the wax/threading/tweezers/life changers. we don't want baby Brook Brook headed down the same road of demise. To distract Baby Broo-Broo from her lack of facial hair (maybe the gene will skip her?) i made her an A-dorable tutu for Christmas. I won't like that my thigh wore it as i was making it (impromptu garter belt?) and I want to put it on G (but will resist. probably.) It's cute. Y'all, she's 6 months old. Hot stuff. Bring it holidays... Because Pinterest has me blowin' up.

I made it. I'm proud. And I want one.

The Dr. is in.

2011-11-11T14:17:00.000-06:00

SO yesterday in midst of my child shaking his head and saying "no" to every. single. thing. I asked. I took him outside (his favorite place). Then, I noticed a package at the door. DANG IT. Not a present for me.

*Side note--anytime we open our mailbox or have a package at the door I'm under some sort of false security that someone has sent me a present. 99% of the time this is not the case. Ben shakes his head when I ask him every day if there was a present for me in the mail.

Anywho, gift was not for me so I left it there. After watching G try desperately to pick it up. Admit defeat and then go back to whining and wanting up. down. up. no. no no no no no.

The Dr. Ben Black arrived home last night and clearly G$ was all grins and giggles and shiz. cutest kid ever. I declare I must get out of the house. To target. Alone. (after Ben suggests we take G to the grocery store at which point I refuse and say he can happily take him alone, but I refuse to take him in public for fear of the deathglare that we would clearly get as he shrieked his way through the store wanting to eat everything, have me hold him, and get a new balloon. So they played in the car. I went to target.

I come home to a new contraption (the gift) on the counter. Old dusty cooking lights hastily pushed to the side. Dog treat container? sorry bitches, doneso. All forrrrrrrrrrr....... a vacuum sealer for meat. Oh the joy. Oh the excitement. Oh the exclamations of "watch this!" I am adequately impressed (sadly defeated by no gifts for me) and go to catch up with Chelsea Handler on the couch only to find..... a package of previously vacuum sealed gold fish. "Hey, I had to start with something."

Later in the evening while catching up with the finest nerds on the Big Bang Theory I freak out because I think there is an ugly insect on my arm... then calmly say, "Oh... wait, it's just my arm."

All this to say there was a lot of head shaking going on in the Casa de Negra yesterday.

Ponies up.

2011-11-07T14:16:00.000-06:00

We went up to Dallas this weekend for SMU's Homecoming. (year 9, friends. That's TEN years for a lot of my friends.) It was SO. Much. FUN. I have an amazing group of girl friends that make me laugh more than anyone ever. Seriously. So stinkin' funny. So amazing. It's amazing that we all ended up at school together. I wish I could be more eloquent about my love for these girls, but it stupifies me.

G$ went to his first parade. Had his first sucker. His first mardi gras beads. First Boulevard-ing experience. (Y'all in the SMU world bubble we say, "We don't tailgate. We boulevard.) Let me tell you--boulevarding involves some crazy expensive attire and tory burch boots on 18 year olds. It's fabulous and amazing. And ridiculous.

It was hard for him to show his goods with a button up shirt and a sweater. Luckily there are some generous parade participants. Mama ended up with a koozie. win win.

My ladies in front of Dallas hall and the fountain*

Driving with Auntie K.

This girl here to my left (in the picture)--my Persian Princess friend. Looked at me in the middle of the game and said, "We white girls be melting." I looked around to see who she was talking about only to realize she meant--herself. I said. Ah-dine. You are NOT white. Adine is who's father I run in memory of with TNT. Katie (also pictured) and I decided that she is clearly not white if she doesn't have to wash her hair everyday. Yes, I realize I do not wash mine everyday--doesn't mean I don't need to. Y'all we are sisters. We can discuss these things.

*The Fountain. Red because we WON. It is like a "thing" to run from Dallas hall (nakers) to the fountain. None of us had done this. So, clothed. Here we go. We kept saying, "we're skinny dipping." Ben tried to remind us we weren't because we were fully dressed. I said, "Hey, let us have our moment." Notice my school spirit with my pony ears up!

3030 Daniel. Lived it. Loved it. Welcome back to the porch.

Ben and I stopped on our way home. to say it was a good weekend is an understatement.

And finally, here is a picture of Kate (her mom was walking the 3 day so we didn't get to see her.) But clearly, Kate is saying "Oh no he didn't." Or "once on the lips a lifetime on the hips G$. Do you know how many cals are in that scone?"

The leap.

2011-11-02T13:59:00.000-05:00

One too many prosecco's? Maybe. Maybe I had my husband take 3000 pictures of me in the lobby of our hotel. That leap the girls do on ANTM is apparently harder than it looks. Or maybe they aren't intoxicated?

doh--boo.

2011-11-02T13:52:00.000-05:00

translate--"ghost. boo." G loves to say this. Can you believe that last year he was so tiny? only 3 months old? And FINE with having his head gear on? And couldn't sit up? And was so tiny and adorable? And I still counted his age in WEEKS. Weeks I tell you. No clue how many weeks he is now. Probably should add that to my MOTY resume, but I'm too lazy. This year we opted for the dahhhhhhh costume. (dog) We love to say "dah!" (when hearing barking or seeing an actual dog) and then squat the toddler squat and say "HI DAH!" loves. them. He even loves Gizmo who distinctly does not love him. At all. Not even a little. How cute is this little dog?

And I got my big calfed boots in the mail and so requested a family photo.... only we had to do it ourselves. We set it up on the jeep with the auto timer.... but holy hell, who knew that it was set on 85 pictures. Here is a small portion of the pics. And you can't even see my boots. They're cute. Take my word for it.

Happy Halloween!

Horse lady?

2011-10-28T20:46:00.001-05:00

You know... horse ladies? Or is that only in Tejas? The ladies who wear saddle jackets, haven't cut their hair in ten years and have a long arse pony tail that makes me question their bathrooming germs and their clogged drains. I'm just sayin'.

So my sister said it's cute. I can't decide. And yes, those are jeggings. I gave in. I bought them. They are amazingly comfortable. My thighs may look like they have elephantitis, but who's counting? Right? Or some other sort of saying that's probably more appropriate--like a stuffed pork casing?

I bought my tall boots though... and only have non skinny jeans (because of my gigantic hips and fear of the mom jean.) SO what do you think? Cute? not cute? know my horses?

do not judge the crazy hair. I'm tired, yo.

Bedazzle a pumpkins? Why not?

2011-10-27T21:14:00.002-05:00

I've been puffy painting. I'm addicted. And my thumb hurts so much that it hurts to type. Apparently my puffy paint muscles have not been worked out since the early 90's. Now that I look at the picture I see clear areas that need towrk. Like... lots more black dots, but y'all it's been like two-a-days up in here. Meaning, I did the silver then went back for the black, then ate dinner, then went back for more black. So three a days--which is just crazy. Who doesn't love a bedazzled pumpkin?

Other part of my day started around 3:30 when the vaccinations (clearly, they are evil) woke up my baby and made him scream, have advil, go to sleep for an hour and then wake up unconsolably screaming some more. Sleep. Go to daycare. Come home early from day care, nap, scream, scream, scream, 20 mins before Ben gets home be totally happy and fine. Of course. I considered the reverse nurse. Can you go back once you've quit? Because lambie wasn't cutting it. He doesn't take a paci. I hate to introduce one now; and don't think it would work anyway. My tiny pancake mom boobs probably wouldn't hold attention for long anyway. Sigh. He's so sweet and cute though. I'm letting it go.

Ben got home and I said, "Mama needs to peace out." Him: "Where are you going?" Me: "No clue." I visited DSW to see if I could find the boots I ordered, but of course, walked around overwhelmed and aimlessly because there are SO MANY EFFING SHOES. I know, my dream, right? But no. It's too much. I did find a pair of ridiculous turqoise shoes for <$100... I wanted them. Bad. But I left them where they belong--in the interrogation lighting with other people who seem perfectly comfortable there.

So I left and went to JoAnn's, bought puffy paint, considered yarn for a wreath, bought ribbon and then to Spec's for a box o' wine. I'm a classy lady, guys. Cla-ssy. And have regained my sanity.

And finally, how hilarious is this? Subs "mama" for "dada." Welcome to my life.

15 month competition (check up)

2011-10-26T19:45:00.000-05:00

Stats

Weight: 23.3 lbs (50%)

Height: 31 inches (50%)

Head: 47.1 cm (55%)

Perfectly normal. love it. Y'all he's cute. So cute. So happy. This baby LOVES to climb on things. Likes to say "uh oh", dog, cat, blue, toes, nose, eyes, eat, no no no, yah (working on yes, please), up, down, mama, dada, maggie, Jenny, squirrel, bird, o's (cheerios), hush (to goodnight moon), bye bye, mmmm (kisses), belly button, outside, slide, book, and so many other things that I know I'm missing. The doctor asked if he called us by name and had 4-5 other words.

I went all Charlie Sheen on her ass ~~in my mind~~ and was like hells yes, my baby is a genius because he can point out body parts. For a week he thought only I had a belly button and so would lift up my shirt--for strangers.

He's a climber (sorry Ben... those are my genes.) he's a lover. Loves to pat pat pat us. He's like the sweetest best baby ever (which our dr. then told us we would have a difficult next child--at which I think she should not say this.) He looks adorable in jeans. It's still effing hot here so he wears them like 1x a month. Loves the pool. LOVES to slide. Loves to put on make up with me in the mornings. He carries around a make up brush and pretends.

He says "yah" a lot when you ask him questions. Which we repeat "yes, please" but it's SO ADORABLE.

Pretty much, we love him. A lot.

A serious question y'all...

2011-10-25T21:18:00.000-05:00

which boots do I choose? The thing is... I have large cow like calves. So we must keep this in mind that should my circulation at Elsie I will basically lose my legs.

These.

or these?

The longer I wait to decide... the longer it takes for me to receive them. So, I'm going to need help. Now.

32.

2011-10-24T14:12:00.000-05:00

So today is my birthday. I'm 32. Which is kind of annoying because until Saturday night I thought I was turning 31? I'm not sure where that year went? I lost it somehow. Memory loss is already happening. But let me tell you about the awesome things that have already happened today--

1. G$ slept in until 7:20 (which kind of stinks because I use him as my alarm clock and so I got up and Abby's flying fairy school was already on! This is how I know if I'm late. Where we are in the Street.)
2. Sleeping in because Ben forced multiple amazing cocktails on me last night. Seriously. Amazing. He infused vodka with some chiles and then broiled strawberries and pureed them and then put in mint and lime and soda. So so good.
3. He wrote on the mirror last night so I woke up to it this morning. Cute. (minus my having to clean it)
4. Dogs are groomed. No more maggie bringing in leaves. YESSSSSSSSSssss
5. G and I were reading Goodnight Moon before nap time and it was the first time that he looked at me and said "hush" in the right spot! My heart about stopped. I wanted to document it. Cutest. thing. Ever.
6. A friend left fresh cookies at my door.
7. And some guy who was selling cleaning products knocked on my door forever and I finally answered and he wanted to prove that there were no chemicals and he licked the spray bottle inside spouty thing.

Ok, that last one is not awesome as much as totally weird. But It happened.

self conscious?

2011-10-20T11:58:00.000-05:00

So I read blogs. I pretend we are friends and I'm invested in your lives (in a creepy non-stalkery kind of way.) I was kind of sad to be away (not really) because catching up on your lives is way more important than catching up on laundry or unpacking my suitcase and I'm STILL BEHIND (on your lives... and the laundry. And I keep taking clothes out of the suitcase to wear... so at some point it should be empty.)

So I go to read someone's blog only to find I've been REJECTED. Rejected. Like that one time I didn't get the job at banana republic for the holidays (even though I proudly told them I was going to be gone for 2 weeks for christmas/new years.) How could they not want me?

So I know it doesn't matter. I should not have my feelings hurt. And I should definitely stop checking to see if they have added me because they missed this glaring mistake. What? Crazy? Need sleep? Need those molars to just stop growing or to be full on teeth? Yes. I need that.

I also need new boots. (This is not at all connected to the other.)

The race.

2011-10-19T20:09:00.000-05:00

We found my name on the Nike town wall. Only 23,000 of us. No big deal.

Our Austin Group. Niketown sign. Start line.

Me and Ben. Mile 10. Golden gate photos. Tiffany's finishers medal!

In the ocean. Ice bath for my... feet only. Ladies celebration. YAY!

So the weather was ah-mazing. It was early. With 23k of my new bff's. I say that because you can only be so close with strangers. We were packed in there for realz. It's a beautiful run. Even the entire uphill mile 6. Gorgeous. I chose to run with another girl from my team because I didn't care about my time and would rather run with someone else. We also stopped to take pictures. Like, five times.

The cortisone shot worked like a charm. It's achy, but fine. We get Tiffany's necklaces handed out by SF firemen in tuxes at the end of the race. Which sounds dreamy, minus my bff's all stopping for the photo op. Move biatches. I kid. I kid. Kind of.

The ocean felt amazeballs. I heard some guy propose to his gf at the finish line. I finished at the same time as the first marathon runner (because it took me at least 30 ish mins to start the race and then a bazillion miles of weaving in and out of people. Oh, and you know because I'm not fast and the pictures.)

Next time I'll post pics of our funsie time (what it was all about.) Let me say... it involves like 95 pics of me pretending to be on ANTM. Turns out that little leap they do is harder than it looks.

I was the top fundraiser for my team which leads to presents. I got an awesome Nike half zip, get a nike jacket, new jersey, etc. Over 118 mill raised for LLS. Kind of life changing--for a lot of people.

GO TEAM!

On our way.

2011-10-14T09:43:00.001-05:00

To San Francisco. Right now. Well, actually since about 4 am. My IT band is hurting like a mofo, but injected with some cortisone and will hopefully miraculously recover by... Yesterday. Oh well. At least I will hurt like a mofo in California.

We went ouuuuuuuuutttt last night.

2011-10-09T20:57:00.000-05:00

The Big B and I. We went OUT. On date ~~to a wedding.~~ The two of us. With a baby sitter. Well, the babysitter was at home, but the two of us went to a wedding. You follow me? It was also RAINING?! Y'all. It hasn't rained here in like 9 months. We drove around today and talked about how it LOOKS like fall and the leaves are changing, but it's more that trees are dying. It even kind of feels like fall (low 70's.) FINALLY.

In other news, I felt the need to document our leaving the house when both dressed nicely and me wearing makeup AND fixing ish my hair. wha wha?

Yah. Car pictures. We're there.

I think he felt awkward.

Go-go gadget arm? That arm looks creeptastic. And maybe I have a Jay Leno chin. Happens. AT LEAST I HAVE A CHIN. This is advancement from my chineck.

Pre-Ceremony. Lock it up. Click it or ticket. Don't mess with Texas. Other things.

The couple. Beauty. I love a wedding couple. (I want a new wedding dress.)

Shine factor? High. Fun-factor? vodka soda 2 limes.

This picture was requested. Odd. I thought so at the time, too. You probs can't tell on my face. It's there. In my highly allergic eyes.

Turned this one black and white. I'm apparently allergic to my new mascara. Eyes burning. Painful. Before we left the house. The lashes looked good though so I let it go. Suffered. In ~~whining teary complainingness~~ silence.

Go-go gadget lips? Crazy eyes. Gigantic teeth.

This is us. Fancy. Out. Home by 10:30.

Guess who?

2011-10-06T20:27:00.000-05:00

Trick or treat. Are you surprised? It's G$ or Mustachio as I like to call him.

I like to tease Ben about his 'stache. Now we know that G def gets his facial hair from me.

disjointed?

2011-10-05T14:56:00.000-05:00

This post is going to be all over the place. Fo' sho.
1. If I have learned anything from TV it's that Nick JR is the same as preschool. And because I want G$ to be smart I turned it on this afternoon (it was the preschool thing. nothing to do with the fact that he was super whiny.) No lie. I counted 14 commercials. In a row. If he were a stay at home he'd desperately want some proactive.
2. Then word girl was on (which I kind of like) until it got to this kid who said his favorite word is "cracker." This kid will not have friends. Until he is quirky.

G's name was almost Graham, until I put on my middle school boy thinking cap and figured out he'd been Graham Cracker Black and that's just not good because well, we are like the epitome of "stuff white people like" and our last name is black and well we like to use the term Cracker jokingly at our house. Random. Yes. Ben told me that video wasn't funny. Clearly he did not have a cocktail at 2:30 and watch wordgirl. It IS funny.

Next on the list--I went for some facial waxing last night and the girl used a cotton ball and oil to clean off the remaining wax (recall... when I tried to do this myself and couldn't get the wax off. awesome) Anyway, worst. feeling. ever. Cotton ball falling apart. On your face. And you can hear it. I almost gagged and asked her to leave it all. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm texture issues much?

G$'s first sit on the "man couch" at Ann Taylor Loft. He's all, "Mom. it's fine. No, the first one. No, you don't look fat. Can we go chase birds soon?" Snacks. A purse. And a little sale from banana on the side. That's my kind of guy. This was after we went to cookie time at Ben's work. Um, I said cookie time. They have fresh baked cookies everyday at 3. We don't go more often because usually I'm not presentable by 2 (meaning I've lost my over the shoulder bolder holder and am probably wearing pj's, my dirty hair is back and my makeup has disappeared.) We were in good form the other day though!

And finally. Griffin asks, "Does this sweaty band make me look fat?"

Too 1997?

2011-10-03T13:44:00.001-05:00

So I've been known to go all Paris Hilton on 2 things (meaning slutsville)--beauty products and jeans. I got talked into these jeans at j.crew on Sunday*. Are they too 1997? Because I'm relatively sure I had a pair that looked like this from the Gap that year. I have dark jeans so I was thinking these are more casual? Ug, I don't know. I'm a little hippy so the faded in the thighs/hips isn't great on me.

Do I return? Or keep? I'm poor at decisions.

*Please note that "being talked into" simply means that the sales girl said, "those look cute on you." And, because I've recently** had a baby I'm looking for things that fit my body.
**And by recently, I meant 14 months ago but I'm holding onto it until I have another baby at which point I will have just had that baby. This works in the reasoning world, right?

Why are you smiling?

2011-10-01T20:52:00.000-05:00

Because it's the first time I've ever seen you look ugly.

It kind of makes me happy.

OMG. Just watching Bridesmaids for the first time.

I also just had to recount to my mom my story about how I'm the crazy wacked lady at the park. I'm the lady who asked kids to clean up their language. And made them run away.

I. Am. Awesome.

Tooch

2011-10-01T19:42:00.000-05:00

As in "booty tooch." That's what Tyra has deemed her new phrase for this episode. So I posted about words I want to take on and now I'm considering, "what if I just pick up Tyra words?" Then I start saying thinks like Dreckitude and booty tooch and "ladies, stands before me..." and then go all gangsta and what not. Just a thought. We'll see what happens.

But in more semi-hippiness factor G$ and I went to the farmer's market this morning. We got some loot. Some ground beef, a steak, mushrooms, eggs, zucchini blossoms, tomaters, zucchini, some cracked black pepper fresh pasta, a black bean and goat cheese tamale, iced coffee and listened to some music.

And a little park time. Check it.

When the husband is away

2011-09-30T19:32:00.000-05:00

the wife will eat a lot of cheese. mmm dinner.

Very vanilla

2011-09-29T14:23:00.001-05:00

SO I was just looking at this pic of G$ where he's all "later mom. I'm going on a trip. No. don't call. I'll call you. Yes, I'll brush my teeth. No, I'm not poopie. Stop asking. it's so embarrassing. I promise."

And I'm all... that kid is cute, but uhhhhhhhhhhh how boring is that whole scene? Other than the fact that I let my child push around a piece of luggage for approximately 30 mins. Whatevs. Probably worse is that piece of wreath that stayed in that same spot for like 4 days when I pretended it wasn't there and then was constantly concerned it was dog poo for like .5 seconds then remembered my laziness... and my poor memory.

So I'm thinking of painting the inside of our front door. well, and now the outside too. We have a total cliche red door and I think I'm over it. I think I want to go blue. Ok, lets be honest I want to go turquoise, but I know the Ben Black won't go for it. SO I'm thinking of this color of blue. Islandy, no?

From the mouth of babes...

2011-09-27T20:52:00.000-05:00

Ben: I've seen a LOT of pad commercials lately.
me: Really?
Ben: Yah, they're creepy.

MINES.

2011-09-26T14:42:00.000-05:00

The Seestor and her familia came to spend this past weekend with us. Courtney, Chris the Ell-Monkey and the Little Peanut (or baby Broo Broo as Elliott calls her. Or Brooklyn because well...that's her name.) Anyway, it was a damn good time. I should have worked a little harder on saying hot damn. It didn't make it into the weekend. I blame being off on a sinus infection, running 12 miles on Sat, and the bevvies consumed.

"I coloring."

Sweet happy little baby.

I like that it appears they are playing together. The truth is that G desperately wants to play with Elliott and Elliott is 2.5 and says that everything is "Mines" and subsequently wants to do everything G is doing.

Can this baby be any more beautiful? I think no. He also apparently calls fortune cookies "cookie nuts" which I find to be hilarious. So I asked if he liked big or small ones. I'm an awesome aunt.

My baby loves to sit (for 1 second.) He really likes to get in chairs and sit on them. Well, chairs and dogs.

Said in my best Slick Willy (Bill Clinton) voice... "I did NOT eat any chalk."

The stand off. The show down. Ell saying "Mines colors!" Griffin REALLY wanting to be together.

I really wish I had videoed them in the wagon. Griffin was touching Elliott with one finger and making him freak out. It was awesome. Love those boys. And those cheeks hanging out of that bottom.

And yes. We are in the front yard. With a plastic pool. And children with swim diapers and no suits (Or swim soups as Elliott says.) And maybe a cocktail.

It was a classy weekend.

In THREE WEEKS

2011-09-22T20:58:00.000-05:00

We'll be in jolly ol' San Francisco. What? People don't say that? Whatevs.

We're staying in union square. What MUST we do? Keep in mind we mostly love eating and drinking and shopping. Ok, mostly the first two.

SO give me your details. What do you think? (Ps. We will be sans baby.)

What does a monkey say?!?!

2011-09-20T18:45:00.000-05:00

So I had to take the G$ to physical therapy with me today. Which was 1/2 success 1/2 utter fail. So I'm busy hooked up to some e-stem, G was in the jogger and started fussing because Brown Bear and snacks were no longer cutting it. This new girl comes up and is talking to us--tells me about her nephew who is 5 months, but was 3 months early then switches to the baby--which is totally fine by me because HELLO, he's totally cute. And I think a genius.

Then she's like how old. I tell her. She starts asking him all the different sounds animals make. Cow. moo. (we kind of have that... in one book.) Then she asks about Monkey and I go... oh, he doesn't know that one yet. She is all "oh... I thought that was like one of the first things all kids learn." Then walks away. I'm sitting there with my dumb kid who doesn't know his animal noises.

I WANTED to tell her that he can point to your eye.. and the eye of things in books. He knows ball. Maggie. Dog. Down. Hi. Bye. (no.) Mama. Dada. and can do SIGNS. (and calls birds dogs, whatever.) He can also say light and night night and lambie (his lovey) and Jenny (one of his day care ladies.) But, I held my tongue. Because she doesn't care. She wasn't judging me. Unless she was judging the yogurt that was posing as hair gel today.

Mom of the year...

2011-09-16T14:35:00.000-05:00

I've had that as my subject before. I'm going to say it's because I'm fully aware of my momtastic short comings. Like last night when my baby was screaming when I put him to bed which I tried to ignore (I know you think I do that a lot, but I don't). Then He wasn't laying down (this was only after maybe 5 mins) and I go up there and he's got a major poo. Then he's signing "eat eat" and I'm all You JUST HAD DINNER you tiny little manipulator and laid him back down after a song and still awake awake awake... only to go up there and get him and feed him an ENTIRE BOWL of something. So apparently my baby was starving. I also picked him up today and he hadn't eaten much at daycare because he has a little cold and his care provider gave us some muffins for later... and I ate one. In the car. Hey, I'm sick too.

Anyway... so below is a video because I'm awesome. I like to add words to my lingo. Shazam. It's one I super love. I tried to bring back wack, but it just didn't take. It also rained today--which is of no consequence to this blog post except the fact that IT EFFING RAINED TODAY for the first time in like almost 90 days. Ridonk. I'm basically going to put on every piece of northface gear I own and a scarf and go buy some wellies.

So here it is. Now I'm waiting for my little one with a snotty nose and a cold and 4 teeth coming in to wake up. send us well vibes. Or wellie vibes. Whatevs.

I die at the hilarity

2011-09-15T19:46:00.000-05:00

A mother's prayer for her son.

So what's the diff?

2011-09-13T21:15:00.000-05:00

I've been doing WW for 3 weeks. Aka mostly starving myself for three weeks. Minus the week that I gave up. I have lost and gained the same lb 3x. I have no resolve. none. at all. SO I've been considering what the differences are between now and 4 years ago when I got to my goal weight in the matter of 8 weeks.

1. I NEEEEEEEEEEED my mom-tails now. Need.
2. I don't work with high school girls. Instead I work with mostly "older" women. High school girls made me MUCH more self conscious. I mean, they didn't have hips. They had long luxurious hair. no hips. Oh, and no need for makeups.
3. I'm always tired. Always. I've moved into the one day a week training sched, I feel. It isn't good. Makes the long run much harder. San Fran should be interesting.

4. My house is cleaner now than it used to be. I say that means that I'm fatter than I used to be. I've moved into "mom" mode and no longer grad school/post grad school/husband still in grad school mode. This means my hips are wide. My middle is squishy. My tolerance is high. My snacks are more frequent (because babies eat lots of snacks.) My fashion is lacking.
5. Though I look nakers in that picture up there... I'm not. I simply have on a strapless something (which I also can't really do now) and some arm definition. And ONE chin. My how things have changed.

I blame Griffin.

first baby-ators.

Snoop.

2011-09-10T19:59:00.000-05:00

Remember the other day when i mentioned the wild fires? (which, clearly, I would say "fiiiiiiiires." Because my I's are long. I's ='s eyes.

Well, so I went to look up what our light up billboards say "Caution. Extreme Danger. Wildfires. Watch for smoke on road." And this pic of snoop popped up. Not sure about that.

You know it's serious when your Doc starts talking about how he's going out of town and he called his insurance company to talk about making sure everything is insured. It is bad. It's yucky. We have no water. People still smoke.

Ps. It's 2011. Get a patch.

Hollywood. Or real men wear pink.

2011-09-09T19:42:00.000-05:00

My baby loves him some sunglasses. He gets his face super still and lifts his head back to keep them on. Sets his jaw. It's adorable. Love it. This is also the shirt (though he was wearing some jeans) that he came home from MI in. The shirt that at least 4x someone called him a girl--they just couldn't tell because he was wearing pink.

Seriously people? He has little boy face. Little boy hair. Little boy jeans (not pictured.)

People are soooooooo behind the times.

And again.

2011-09-06T21:07:00.000-05:00

I am overwhelmed by generosity. I have received two donations today for a total of over $5k. Holy amazeballs.

The post about the crazy fires all over Austin will come tomorrow. (with cutie pics of our baby.)

Accent Vlog

2011-09-01T14:19:00.001-05:00

SO I'm linked up through Perfectly Imperfect. She participated in the accent vlog which I loved... love me some southern accent y'all! I decided I would give it a go. Let me tell you... I do not like how I sound when recorded. Somehow, I sound like I'm about 10, but in my head my voice is deep. How does that work? There is also an awkward pause at the end where I am trying to stop the video, but have a voice mail and so I can't figure out how to turn off the phone. Which I had to record on my phone because I'm not fancy enough to have a Mac. There, I said it. It's all true. I also am making some weird ghetto neck movements. Not sure what that's about. Maybe just trying to prove that G$ gets his gangsta from somewhere. And I am nothing if not gangsta. (also, just went to PT hence the disheveled appearance.) So here is my vlog and below are the rules. Join in. Word. (OMG. how big are my teeth?)

The instructions are to say these words:
Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught

And answer these questions:

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?

What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?

What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?

What do you call gym shoes?

What do you say to address a group of people?

What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?

What do you call your grandparents?

What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?

What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?

What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

So I was going to write about

2011-08-31T21:10:00.000-05:00

things that made me gag today. (annie's ravioli. apple juice. water dripping on my foot after washing dishes.)

Then, I talked to my moomsy. Today was my mom's last day at her job. The last day of her job for the last 20 years. The school has gotten big. People have changed. Things are the same small town they used to be. She wasn't feeling uplifted or happy there and was ready for a change. My mom started working at NHS full time when I went into 6th grade and my seestor went into 9th. I LOVED having my mom at school. I know most people would hate this, but not me. The Helga-nator, Helga, Moomsykins. Mom. Glammy. Glammy Pants. Big Mama. The original Mama. She was good people to have around.

Today they had a party for her. She called me and was so excited that like 50 people showed up. Kinda huge. She felt appreciated. You know, it's really amazing when someone you love and doesn't get appreciated very often is finally appreciated and FEELS that way. It does a heart good. It did my heart good.

So proud of my Mama.

A shameless plug--for cancer.

2011-08-31T13:50:00.000-05:00

Well against cancer. For cures.

In the last month, I’ve had some unfortunate events happen. My Uncle passed away on August 8. My Uncle who had been battling failing health for a long time. Two days later when I was almost to work I was in a car accident. My car was totaled. Thankfully, so so thankfully, Griffin was not with me and neither of us (me or the girl who hit me) were seriously injured. My tiny little 3 month old niece was having some health concerns. We had to research and buy a car in a few days. We left a few days later for Michigan (which was by no means a downfall. I got to see my friend Amy!) It felt like 80 thousand things were happening in the matter of one week.

Because of the accident I’ve had a hard time recouping enough to run. I made it back to track this week. I woke up at 5:30 AM, cursed my alarm, and got myself out of bed and to the track. One of my team mates said, "I haven’t seen you in a few weeks." I started to tell him about my car accident and my "whoa as me’s" when I stopped and looked at who I was talking to. A man who had a tumor removed from his brain. A man who was diagnosed with Leukemia. A man who he and his wife (who was my teammate first because he wasn’t yet healthy enough to run) picked up their lives and moved to Houston so he could be at MD Anderson. A man who is now a FAST runner. Has completed multiple marathons and is training—and fundraising for another. So who am I to complain and feel sorry for myself?He and his wife BOTH fundraise THOUSANDS of dollars multiple times a year because they know that it helps. First hand, they know that these funds go to families in need--because they’ve been that family.

Please help me with a tax free donation to LLS and help me reach my goal. Consider the cost of your coffee habit, eating lunch out, or about the costs associated with going to a hospital day in and day out to see your family member. Donate that amount (or more, of course!) Or any amount that you can. I have only FOUR WEEKS LEFT to raise $1136.90.

If 29 people donate $40 I will be there. Or if 46 people donate $25. Or if 114 people donate $10 we can make it happen. Change a life today. Start here. Start now. Be relentless for a cure.

--
Amanda

I'm training for a half marathon with the Luekemia and Lymphoma Society. Please help me find a cure!

so. hungry.

2011-08-29T13:31:00.000-05:00

I'm hungry. I have lost 1 lb. Which could be a fictional lb because I weighed myself up on waking up this morning and after emptying my pee sack. Then I think, I started on a Tuesday, why did I make my weigh in on Monday? I will have totally lost another 5 by tomorrow. I'm sure of it. So that one lb weight loss is questionable at best. I'm going to believe it's true though because I'm hungry. Hungry. I've been really sticking with the food parts of the ol' WW. Mostly. Like, I just ate 2 little halves of a candied walnut and I didn't count that because they were so small. I also just counted out 19 stone ground wheat (disgusting) crackers to eat with my mini babybel light cheese. Then I ate a banana. Because they don't cost anything.

I could have lost a pound from going to see the help last night with some friends (aka book club) because I was a weeping fool. A weeping fool who restricted calories yesterday so she could have 2 glasses of vino at the movies and a side salad. The movie was GOOD, y'all. For reals. I even read the book and loved it. Crying mess when people are mean. Why are people so mean? Why does Emma Stone look like she's 17? Why did they not make her boobs look better. I mean it's a movie and you can do that. They weren't attractive. Yes, I noticed.

I also got new bras on Saturday. I went into VS and got measured and 18 year old girl with a measuring tape was all, "So, like have you ever been measured before?" Me: "Yes, but I've recently stopped nursing* and so I think my boobs are finally my own again." Her: "Umm... so should I show you to a fitting room?" Me: "yep." She wasn't so helpful. I tried on different sizes and shapes and I guess i'm happy with what has occurred minus the fact that my last purchases (a while ago) were D's, and I'm currently wearing a B--lefty is still a C, I think. I told Ben it's because G$ sucked the life out of me.

*So I say I've stopped nursing, but we bring G down to our bed every morning and he NEEDS to nurse still. Which isn't true. He doesn't need to because I've been gone running some mornings and he's fine when he just gets up and has breakfast. My bazooms are done. They have to like call up some old friends who are in the reserves every morning. SO the truth is we could go all hard core but I keep reading all of these posts about being a mom and how it goes too fast and treasure the memories and keep in touch and call me next summer etc. Then I get all "I have to hold onto the moments!" (where he snuggles up next to me and I can doze in and out of sleep for the next few mins--and he is still. still.) So there, I said it. It's my dirty little secret.

And, my sister just sent me these 2 articles from Rants from mommyland which totally sum up my life over the past year.
One.
Two.

I'm going to go eat some more candied nuts.

For Heidi

2011-08-27T18:57:00.000-05:00

I feel like these pics don't do justice. The shoes are ADORABLE. I love them. Lots.

Who needs a pedi? This girl.

Remember when I had a separation of chin and neck?

2011-08-26T19:02:00.000-05:00

I do. It was long, long ago.

I've started weight watchers again. on Tuesday--and I'm starving. So I'm attempting to give Griffin snacks without eating them myself. oh, and trying to eat "good" things for me. All of this leads to my current situation of wanting to eat my own arm. I am hungry. At some point I was really good at this. I was really strict and lost a lot of lbs and was at my target weight. It was easy and I loved it. Now? Sigh... I mean, I guess I CARE about losing weight (hello, just paid $60 for 3 months of things I already know), but my motivation is small. Alcohol has gone up a lot of points. What? a Roman Coke is 4 pts? That's what my breakfast was! So you're saying I need to skip meals so I can enjoy an adult bevvie? Lame. But I'm doing it... ish. I'm counting my food points and choosing to ignore my alcohol points. That's the way it works, no? I'm thinking no, but I'm going with yes.

So if you see me with a rabid look in my eye and a stumble in my step... know it's because I've sacrificed a meal for a cocktail. I'm that mom right now.

Can I get a what what?

2011-08-24T19:49:00.000-05:00

My boobs are freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Well, not free for the taking, but more free from the un-taking (mostly. We have an occasional--mom of the year moment in the AM's when I try to coerce my baby back into sleeping by nursing him in bed with me. What? No award for that?) Either way, I can go bra-less whenever I like. No fear of an explosion. No need to have super attractive hooks on my bra-zierres. This all meaning, that I can go back to normal "pretty" undergarments. So I've been wearing the oldies. The pretty ones.

Dilemma--they don't fit that well. They are uncomfy. My bazooms are a different shape (tmi?) The straps seem so skinny. That is probably in my mind after wearing mama bra's. So what now? What do I do? Do I have to go get fondled? Suggestions? Helps?

Why does that girl look so happy? And... ps. Don't google search "mom boobs." Doesn't end the way I thought it would...

Shoe party?

2011-08-23T21:25:00.000-05:00

Fundraising. Yes please. It's totally harder this time around... as is the running--which I'm currently blaming the car accident (and going to Michigan and having many bevvies with my BFF from grad school in temperatures that were in the 80's... and sometimes 50's.) Which means, I'm totally behind on both. Sucky suck suck.

Howevs, I'm having a tupperware party on Thursday. Well, by tupperware I mean shoes and custom bags. Fibi and Clo (how adorbs are these??) and 1154 Lill studio. The shoesies are donating 10% of the proceeds and the bags are 15%. Want to order and give me credit? Message me and I will make it happen. It's like a game changer up in here. I'm getting the shoes pictured above.

So I got an email about fibi and clo a while ago on a "local" website and then saved it to order them when I got home. I SEARCHED gmail in hopes of finding these shoes, but alas. IT was not to be. Until, at work, a lady who has the fashion sense of a mom from 1984, short shirts, and a love of all things ugly clogs had them on. What? Tell me more? How did you find them? HOW THE HELL DO YOU HAVE THESE SHOES AND I DON'T? (I yelled inside my head.) So I contacted her "contact." Decided my vision must have been Divinely inspired and I needed those damn shoes. God told me so.

That's the purse I just designed. De. Sire.

I also left my root touch up on too long because G woke up 10 mins early and the color stayed on 5 mins too long. Sigh, oh the life of mommy who also has a poo looking stain on her white pants (not poo. promise.)

Es po-see-blay

2011-08-16T21:13:00.001-05:00

That her name is Ns. Cleo or Fancy.

but I am le tired.

2011-08-14T19:18:00.000-05:00

That's how I feel--about everything. It's Sunday. YAY a new week. We're starting over. Last week was for the birds... and I am no bird. My weekend was sad. My car is totaled. My niece is amazing, but not gaining weight and they can't figure out why. My dad's cousin had a heart attack and quadruple bypass surgery and not doing well. It's effing hot. My body hurts. Turns out 8 miles is a lot further than it used to be, running wise. I forgot an integral part of our dinner and le sigh... I am fatties. All in all... I'm hoping that things come in gigantic waves and that my wave is over for now. Waves are overrated in my opinion. I remember going to the beach and my sister and I playing on our raft and floating way further down the ocean than we though. We realized this way too late. I feel like that now.

It's all fun and games until you can't find your beach towel. And your snacks. And your parents.

So someone send up a flair gun. And while you're at it... figure out which car I should get. Or come and babysit because taking a 1 year old and his car seat car shopping is not quite as exciting as you might think.

Because when it rains...

2011-08-10T20:18:00.001-05:00

This is how I started my morning and subsequent afternoon. Let me tell you--it was not exciting. Thankfully Griffin was not with me. Thankfully I was ok. The girl who hit me was ok. My car--definitely not ok. Oddly, from inside of it (when I was getting out) you couldn't really tell anything was wrong--except when I went to get my insurance card out and my glove box wouldn't open. I'll also tell you--myth busted on the fact that my car didn't explode when my gas tank busted. Instead it just leaked. I'm for that busted myth, fyi.

This final one is me facing the opposite direction of which I was driving. The insurance lady (for the other company) asked me if there was just damage on the door. Um... yes? SO until further notice I'm holding out hope it isn't totaled. We have ONE YEAR. ONE YEAR until my car was paid off and then we were going all HELLS YES WE DON"T HAVE A CAR PAYMENT. You see those tires? Those tires we HAD to have? The ones who would have purchased me lots of new things?

Sigh... and I was going to write today about how I'm having a shoe party at my house in a few weeks. Kind of like tupperware--only way better.

If I have no other tragic events in my life this week... I'll get to that.

Shit just got real.

2011-08-09T20:25:00.001-05:00

I probably say that a lot... in my head. Honestly, though, shit just got real. My Uncle passed away in his sleep on Monday morning. You know when you get a phone call at 7 am it's never good. Basically ever. Unless you have a friend who has just had a baby and has lost all track of time and is beyond her mind tired. What? no? didn't happen to you? It did to me. Whatevs.

My Uncle has had soooooooooo many health problems, from as long as I remember. However, it just doesn't seem real yet. On Friday we will have his memorial service. On Friday we will remember the man who had a house with a pool. Who I begged to go to probably everyday of my life from age 6-....... a lot older. My best friend and I spent MANY a summer afternoon there through our senior year. A man who loved him some cologne. Loved rugby. Was in the rodeo. Had a corvette. Had a motorcycle that I was too scared to ride. Had a camo spray painted fridge in his garage. Got an earring when he got older. Looked exactly like my grandfather with age. And took some of the most fantastic photographs ever.

I am sad. I'm sad because it also makes life a little more real. Sad because I've never known life when this person wasn't alive. There are a lot of details surrounding this--like my Aunt, who has dibilitating MS who sleeps in a hospital bed, and has a live in nurse. All of it is sad. All of it is tragic.

All of it is a little too real.

a little nakey time.

2011-08-09T13:47:00.000-05:00

So we play outside nakers a lot. By we, I basically just mean Griffin. It is ridiculously hot here and almost too hot to even go to the pool. We have quite a bit of shade in the backyard and lots of toys so who needs a swimsuit/diaper? Not this guy. He really enjoyed going from the fire engine to the pool and back.

Sliiiiiiddddeee. It's a fun word to say. He l.o.v.e's the slide.

He also loves him some Mama.

And is obsessed with the zebra. It's the first toy he goes to and rides around the house terrorizing Gizmo whenever possible. Well, whenever Gizmo is not trying to heard him. So it's about 50-50.

Um, how cute is this little outfit? Fear not... it now has lunch all over it, but oh, so cute. And those are clam diggers... not highwaters. totes diff.

We had a GREAT weekend. Ben was home. We played. I ran. Ben and I went on a DATE with a babysitter and everything--we didn't go on a date with the babysitter. Just saying that we had a babysitter. I'm sure you got that point, but it sounded weird. We went to dinner at a delish place, had a bottle of vino, an amazing espresso granita, and then... it was only 8:30. So we went for a glass of wine at a different place--because we didn't want the babysitter to think we were lame-0, well that and we COULD go somewhere. It was awesome. We had a ton of fun. We still really like one another. I also went to Target BY MYSELF FOR AN HOUR. Yes, I had to write that in all caps because I'm basically screaming it from the roof tops. Well, I was. I'm not now.

You lost me after "Welcome."

2011-08-03T20:02:00.000-05:00

So my husBen is totally a big deal. He was on stage for the kick off of NI week in front of 5000 people. For reals. NI week is when all of the national instruments locations from all of the world come to Austin and do... things. They also have lots of meetings with their "alliance" partners. Lots of dinners. Lots of late nights. Lots of early mornings.

So I battled the traffic to see Dr. Ben Black on a big ol' stage. Let me tell you how this went. It took me almost an hour to get there, then I parked on the street (heck yes to paying the machine with a credit card), went inside and got a latte and a scone. Total convention center prices. Um, hello $8. Ridiculous. Followed everyone who appeared to know what they were doing to a GIGANTIC room. Then it started. "Welcome....ramble ramble ramble ramble. Computers. Moore's law. Other things. Simulation." I have no idea. Literally the president of their company started talking and I have NO IDEA what he said--other than something about 1965. Apparently, my technology knowledge is totally behind 65. Whatevs.

I was helping Ben with his lines on Monday night and stopped and said, "wait. Is anyone else going to know what you're talking about?" Apparently yes... but only engineery people. Nothing like an $8 coffee and computer speak to make a girl feel dumb.

So what have I been doing? Cleaning. Cleaning out the pantry, cleaning out the cabinets, cleaning out our laundry room, doing laundry, cleaning toys, and today I did the floors... and promptly found myself saying, "Maggie. Please don't vomit on the floor right now. I just cleaned it."

This is not configuring properly. I should have had an engineer do it, I suppose. Up above is the monkey my mom made for G for his bday. Want one? Any animal. Let me know.

And him sleeping. Oh. My. Goodness. I swoon. I took the chance on the adorableness vs. waking up. Hells yes to the video monitor to alert me of cuteness. The other pics are of me being an awesome mom and letting him watch some TV, in a diaper, while laying on Maggie. I'm up for mom of the year. I also give him diet coke in a bottle in his bed. (not true.)

We'll save another post for the weaning discussion. Down to 2x per day. Next week... I'm thinking once. Bring it.

exorcism?

2011-08-01T15:04:00.000-05:00

Last week G$ started saying "nana." Cutest smartest thing ever. Until today when he woke up screaming unconsolably from his nap. Told me he needed to eat. Sat in the high char and re-started screaming for a NANANANANANA. No, I'm not torturing him. But no one needs 3 nana's in 2 days.

Exorcisms involve glasses of wine, right?

The power of suggestion.

2011-08-01T13:54:00.000-05:00

I'm under it. Here's the thing. I have had 2 blog "friends" post about the SAME BEACH vacay in the last few days. I mean, they weren't ON the same trip, but both took (what appear to be) amazing pictures from the same BEACH. A beach I've never heard of in a state where I've never been. I decided I needed to go there before I even googled (which LBH, I google all things I don't know including parenting advice) to find is in Oregan.

It was a beach AND there are long sleeves involved. That is like the best of both worlds. And their trips were with family and friends and kids. I mean, who doesn't like to see a little one in some beach gear or a button up and a sweater and some boat choose?

So I mean, I guess I'm not saying I want to be on THEIR trip (though I love an invite--call me xoxo.) I think it's that they look like they're having SO much fun. They are with people they love. Laughing. Having some drinks (in my imaginations), hanging out with friends kids. It's TRADITION. And this is all in my head. I have no idea in reality. Here is the reality--I love the beach. I love long sleeves. I love jackets. I love trips with friends. I want to go on a trip with some friends. I love children. Love.

I need to go to this place. Stat.

Burrrrr cold front

2011-07-30T21:09:00.000-05:00

It's chilly today. I mean, it's only in the mid 90's tonight so we ate dinner outside. And said it was "nice."

We've clearly lost our effing minds if we consider that nice. Whatever.

It's back to miserable this week with temps at 107.

Who is taking us in? We come with baby, 2 dogs, a lot of jeans, and some vino.

2011-07-29T19:25:00.000-05:00

I don't enjoy bumper stickers--in general. Though the other day I did giggle when I saw a "screw it, lets go ride" harley davidson sticker on a minivan... but that was mostly as I was shaking my head at the irony. However, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I WILL be that parent.

Today G$ got his 1 year (and one week) shots. All three of them. Know what else? My doc said he's "advanced." Yep, she asked if he had 1 word. I scoffed. ONE word? Try like 15-20. He can also show you his toes. She said, "what? He can already do body parts?" I thought about saying "of course" but really, it's only the toes. He also does nothing on command so when she asked him to wave--he did nothing. I'm sure she thinks I'm making it up. BUT ADVANCED. My baby (not toddler) is advanced! So advanced that he refuses to give up nursing. REFUSES. Because, you know he knows everything already. Basically, what this means is that me being dumb has come before I thought.

And, you know how shots make most kids sleep a little more? No, not mine. No way. Who needs to sleep? Not this kid. So we went to buy him some new big boy shoes. Ummmmmmmmm when he can he start shopping at tjmaxx? Apparently kid shoes are spensive... and they can wear them for THREE MONTHS. THREE MONTHS. (and by big boy shoes, I mean still super flexy soft shoes that are a little more rubberized than the robeez.) Sigh.

So maybe I am that parent. I'll be the "my kid is on the honor roll" parent. In the minivan.

Maybe I should start driving a harley.

Remember when...

2011-07-28T14:43:00.000-05:00

Cleaning up after parties didn't look anything like this?

It's like going to the movies...

2011-07-28T13:59:00.000-05:00

but it's a movie you hate and you can't believe you are there and you can think of a zillion other things you'd rather be doing like getting a bikini wax or cutting off your arm or something.

That's how my monday started. Well, it actually started better than that, progressed as normal. I dropped G off at Mrs. Frances' and was on my way to work with my baggy of cheerios and a diet coke. All things normal, until I saw a 2 year old on a sidewalk... so I slow down. Is someone chasing after him? Nope. Keep slowing down and looking. No one. U turn as the kid is starting to cross this super busy street. The lady behind me was trying to figure out what I was doing until she saw him too. We both stop and walking to him. There is NO ONE AROUND. No one. Just a 2 year old with his blanket, a diaper that he had been in since the night before and a tshirt. Oh, and he didn't speak english. I had a baggy of cheerios and assorted baby toys so we tried to coerce him with those. The cheerios worked-ish. Another lady from the apartment complex is pulling out and struck by the situation and she stops. (We have called the police, fyi.) She says she's lived there a long time and has never seen them. A new guy is turning INTO the complex and we flag him down. He's a maintenance guy there and he goes and gets his golf cart trying to think of where this kid might live. HE says that there is a new family who is renting by the week. He goes to their place. The door is open. The lady is asleep. The cops get there. She does not come running. She just walks over to us. Picks up her little boy and says, "thanks." That's it. Nothing. No explanation. NOTHING. Her child has been missing a good 45 minutes and NO PANIC. The cops followed her back. I hope they called CPS. Though, in reality, I know that basically nothing will be done even if they did.

I just don't understand.